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His Checklist for Ms. Right (Even if He Doesn’t Know It)

As you’re probably painfully aware of, a man can like you, get very close to you, and still not want a lasting, meaningful relationship with you. So I want to take you inside the male mind and let you know what makes a man go from just feeling casual about dating you to wanting and needing you on a deeper level. And I’m talking about a quality man – one who’s mature and grounded on a physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual level. The kind of man you’re on eHarmony to find in the first place. So let me shine a light on what he’s looking for in YOU.


I’m not just talking about physical attraction here. That’s easy. And, as you well know, a man can feel this for you and NOT want a serious relationship. I’m referring to a deeper feeling of connection that gets him EMOTIONALLY. Men aren’t as scared of commitment and relationships as they are of being in a relationship where there’s no passion. And a common way women accidentally kill the attraction men might be feeling is by either trying too hard or by acting like the relationship is too serious too soon. There’s nothing more appealing (and attractive) to a man than a great woman who knows how to relax and have fun. Keep things light and playful from the beginning. For instance, instead of talking about what he does for a living when you meet him, ask him about what sports he plays and what drives him. Be open to going on different types of dates with him. Unpredictability keeps attraction going – for both of you.


There’s something that drives men wild and invites them into a deeper level of connection – play. Notice how men bond with each other while being active and at play. They were raised to express themselves and connect with those around them through action. Unfortunately, women can often forget this and want to talk their way into a man’s heart. But the fact is that men don’t “feel it” for you because of what you say. It’s not your words that make a man attracted to you, it’s the experiences you create with him. Watch or play sports together, be competitive in casual games like ping pong – even add a little teasing and sarcasm here and there – and you’ll really ramp up the attraction and interest.


While an immature man may feel better about himself by being with a woman who depends on him, a quality man is just the opposite. He’s attracted to a woman because she ALREADY creates her own happiness, independent of him. She has a great life and a sense of purpose whether or not she’s in a relationship. A great guy isn’t intimidated by independence and success. What matters to a man is that a woman still has space in her life for a great relationship and is grounded and present when she’s with him. So, it bears repeating: never give up your interests or take time away from the important things in your life for a man. Now, when you ARE with him, really BE with him. Have fun, be present, and let him know how much you enjoy him.


No matter how great things are going with a guy, inevitably a situation will come up where you and a man will see something differently and misunderstand each other. How will you respond to this and share your feelings? How a woman handles her emotions is one of the most important things men look for when deciding whether or not to get serious with a woman. If she lets her emotions get out of control, this is a big red flag to him. So, a woman who shares her feelings in an honest and authentic way – rather than judging or blaming him – is incredibly attractive to a man. And it signals to him that she’ll be a great partner to him…for the long term.


Don’t let negative fear and emotions get in the way of the amazing relationship that should be yours. To learn how to share your feelings with a man in a way he’ll truly respond to, subscribe to Christian’s free e-newsletter. He’ll teach you how to talk to a man in a way that won’t make you appear needy and clingy…and will make him see you as the one woman he can’t live without.