Why Dating in Your 30s is the Best Time in Life
Single life in your 30s can sometimes feel like a strange time. It can feel as if you’re stuck in this uneasy zone between wanting to settle down while still feeling that similar energy and opportunity dating in your earlier years.
We explore what’s often described as the most fulfilling decade of people’s dating lives and offer up some perspectives on modern dating in your 30s. We also look at some tips for getting started and how you can find a truly authentic connection both online and offline.
Table of contents
Dating Over 30 vs. Dating in Your 20s
According to the US Census Bureau and a study by the Pew Research Center, there are about 19.8 million singles in their 30s and 40s.1 While this is significantly lower than 20-something singles, the same study showed that dating over 30 was also when singles were most interested in building a relationship.2
People dating after 30 also tend to be more experienced with relationships, meaning they approach them more maturely and without the baggage sometimes found in older singles, making your dating experience more clear and rewarding.
Tell us what you think
Is dating harder in your 30s compared to your 20s?
Is dating in your 30s more difficult?
The two factors that have the most impact on the experience of dating in your 30s are the reduced opportunities to meet people (attending fewer natural social spaces such as bars, educational institutions and cultural events) and the number of eligible singles shrinking somewhat.
However, many dating over 30 point out that while they may be going on fewer dates, the quality of the dates vastly improves at this age. This is because people in their 30s tend to be more sure of what they want, less likely to play games and better emotionally equipped for sustainable relationships.
The most common challenges with dating in your 30s
When one looks at dating in your 30s as a woman, many complain about men their age showing greater interest in dating younger women. However, this may be another example of pop culture skewing our perspective on dating life. The most recent US Current Population Survey shows that the most common age difference between couples in the country, by far, is 1-2 years.
However, you should avoid letting this and other dating preconceptions tint your dating experience. As long as you have a connection based on mutual respect and attraction between consenting adults, only you and your partner can define your relationship.
The truth about dating in your 30s: Expert advise
Some singles think that the dating pool as a mid-30s is getting smaller and the challenges of finding a partner seem to get bigger with time. One of our eharmony relationship experts, Dr Lalitaa Suglani, explains that dating in your 30s is not only normal but also an empowering experience, offering a unique blend of self-awareness and confidence. She also answers the question if dating at this stage of your life is really difficult as you think.
Is Dating in Your 30s really that hard?
Your 30s offer a wealth of experience, self-awareness, and confidence that enriches dating dynamics. Embrace this phase as an opportunity for growth, self-discovery, and meeting like-minded individuals who value maturity and authenticity. Remember, dating in your 30s allows you to bring your best self forward, armed with wisdom and a clearer sense of what you desire in a partner and relationship.
Dr Lalitaa Suglanieharmony Relationship Expert
Three expert tips for dating over 30 from Dr. Lalitaa Suglani
Before delving deeper into some helpful advice, we covered the three most important tips from our relationship expert:
- Embrace Your Authenticity: Be yourself in your 30s dating. Authenticity attracts genuine connections and partners who value you for who you are.
- Prioritise Communication: Open and honest communication builds trust and understanding, crucial for navigating relationships in your 30s.
- Manage Expectations: Realistically approach dating by staying open to new connections and letting relationships develop naturally based on mutual understanding and shared values.
Expert Behind This Article
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Dr Lalitaa Suglani, eharmony Relationship Expert, is an award-winning psychologist, and author specializing in practical advice on relationships, and attachment for singles and couples.
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Laurel House, eharmony Relationship Expert, is a relationship expert and dating coach with decades of experience in the dating scene, focusing on the latest dating trends and relationship dynamics.
Dating in Your 30s: Ten tips for making it a great experience
Dating at any age has its ups and downs but dating in your 30s comes with its own special set of advantages and drawbacks. There’s a smaller dating pool, for one, and opportunities to meet new people aren’t as widespread as they were in your 20s. But if you’re dating in your 30s, it also means you have a better idea of what you want, and you’ve (hopefully!) learned from past mistakes. Here are 10 things to consider when dating in your 30s, and some tips on making it a great experience.
Be clear about what you want
One of Stephen Covey’s Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is ‘Begin with the end in mind.’ This applies just as much to dating, especially dating in your 30s – you’ll have much more success at getting what you want if you know what it is. Before you begin your journey, take time to figure out what kind of relationship you want, what a happy relationship looks like to you, and what your boundaries and deal-breakers are – it’ll save you a lot of trouble down the road.
Tip: Take the time to figure out who you are and how to advocate for yourself.
Date outside your ‘type’
By the time we hit that fourth decade of life, many of us are set in our ways. While this can be a good thing, it might also mean we keep making the same mistakes. Don’t write somebody off just because they don’t fit the checklist you made as a teen of your ideal partner, or because they’re a different ethnicity or background than you usually go for. You never know what might await when you step outside your comfort zone.
Tip: On one of those dating apps for 30s? Pick someone you’d normally never date – it’s lower pressure than doing it offline.
Don’t worry about timelines
Dating in your 30s as a woman? You probably already had to deal with someone saying how important it is to hurry up and settle down. Honestly, that’s nonsense. Good relationships happen organically, and pushing or settling just leads to resentment and break-ups in the long term. Take the pressure off yourself and your relationship and let your heart guide you – there’s no rule that says you must be married or engaged or even dating by a certain age, regardless of your gender.
Tip: Deliberately take things slow at the beginning; it’ll help you figure out if this relationship is worth taking to the next level.
Listen to your gut
It turns out that intuition is indeed scientific. It’s the result of our bodies processing more information than we’re consciously aware of and can help us make decisions our conscious mind hasn’t reasoned out yet. While intuition isn’t flawless – it can be affected by unconscious bias – listening to ourselves can help avoid wasting time and energy on people who aren’t right for us.
Tip: If you’re unsure about something in a relationship, talking it over with a trusted friend or family member can help you figure out if your gut feelings are worth listening to.
Brush up on your communication skills
Studies have shown that happy couples communicate better, and that communication is key to a good relationship3. When you’re dating in your 30s, it’s important to make sure you and your partner are on the same page. Clear communication help everyone in the relationship feel heard and make compromises easier. It’s even more important if you’re dating in your 30s as a man, since guys aren’t often taught to communicate well. Luckily, they can learn!
Tip: Reading some books about communication in relationships, by yourself or as a couple, can help improve your communication skills.
It’s okay if you don’t have all of it figured out
Pop culture will tell you that if you don’t have it all together by 30, you’re a failure. That’s simply not true. While you should focus on getting better if your life is a complete shambles, there’s no need to put dating on hold until it’s perfect. So long as you’re on the path to being your best self and putting in the work to get there, it’s more than okay to start looking for someone to share the journey with.
Tip: Keep a positive attitude during your dating journey – it’ll make it easier to find someone who wants you exactly how you are.
Be flexible
Ah, for the carefree years of our teens and 20s. Dating in your 30s can mean juggling work, kids, caring for family members and who knows what else. The keys are finding an understanding partner and shifting away from the idea of a traditional dating journey. Rather than dinner and a movie, do breakfast dates, go grocery shopping together, trade babysitting duties with another couple or single friends. There are many ways to carve out time to have a relationship, it just takes a little creativity.
Tip: Use our list of non-traditional date ideas as a jumping-off point.
Let go of your baggage
It’s a rare person that makes it to 30 without at least one failed relationship – and being single until you’re in your 30s comes with its own share of issues. Whatever’s in your past, it’s important to not let it influence your present and future in negative ways. Unresolved wounds don’t just keep hurting you, they can also damage your chances of a good relationship with future partners.
Tip: Seeking professional help to deal with your trauma is a great idea if you can. If you can’t, journaling and reading about relationships can also help.
Be vulnerable
As you get older, and especially if you experience a bad or unhealthy relationship, it can be tempting to put walls up to protect yourself. However, one of the foundations of a good relationship is trust4. When it comes to dating in your 30s, it can be terrifying to reveal your vulnerabilities and insecurities. Doing so with the right partner, however, can not only strengthen the relationship, it can help in your own healing.
Tip: It doesn’t have to be all or nothing; you can start small and slowly increase the amount of vulnerability you show as you trust your partner more.
Don’t settle
If you’re dating in your 30s as a woman, the pressure to find someone ‘good enough’ is relentless. This is truer if the dreaded biological clock is ticking. Settling isn’t just unfair to you,; it’s also unfair to the person you’re with. Rather than rush into the relationship for the wrong reasons – and increase the odds it will fall apart – it’s better to develop a Plan B.
Tip: Remember your worth isn’t based on whether you have a partner or not. Fill your life with family and friends; love will happen when the time is right.
There’s no expiry date on finding happily ever after. Dating in your 30s is a different beast than dating in your 20s – you’re more self-assured now and more aware of what you want, but the dating pool is smaller and finding the time and energy to look for love isn’t as easy as it was a decade ago. Love is still out there, however – it just requires a little more effort, not to mention planning, for the dating over 30s crowd. Luckily, eharmony exists – we’re a great option for people who want partners who share the same values and want the same kind of relationship.
Remember, you know yourself a little better in your 30s, so don’t be afraid to take a slower, more intentional approach to dating and let relationships grow at their own pace. Dating in your 30s gives you the space to let things unfold naturally and you’ll increase your chances of a meaningful connection based on trust, respect and understanding.
Your step by step guide for dating over 30 with eharmony
1. Discover the real you
eharmony is not just another over 30 dating site – we believe love happens when you find someone who just gets you. That’s why everyone starts with our Compatibility Quiz. Your answers help us find the singles over 30 you’re most likely to hit it off with.
2. Complete your profile
The key to successful online dating for professionals starts with your profile. We make this process as enjoyable as possible by having richly detailed profiles that are easy to digest. That’s why eharmony is the dating app with the highest-rated user profiles4.
3. Explore singles over 30
In your Discover list, you’ll find every eharmony member who fits your search criteria. Each member you see will display a Compatibility Score based on how likely you are to hit it off. You can filter who you see based on traits you share (e.g. distance, education, age, wants to have kids etc.) – and you’ll also see what you have in common with each member.
4. It starts with a Like
Not sure how to get the conversation started? We’ve made it easy: if something on a member’s profile catches your eye, just hit Like. You then have the option to add a personalized message. You can hit Like on answers to profile questions, their hobbies or your similarities.
5. Two Likes make a Match
Once you get a Like back, it’s a Match. Congratulations! You can now swap messages and send Icebreakers or react with a Smile to get to know each other better.
Because we believe love happens when two people connect based on what really matters. If you’re ready to find out, sign up today.
Let Us Help You Find Meaningful Connections Online
While dating in your 30s can come with its share of ups and downs, it’s easy to see why it’s also one of the most eventful periods in your dating life. An age where it’s easier to build more mature and communicative relationships that aren’t as hampered by many of those typical perils associated with 20s dating life.
We’re just here to support and guide you in finding those deeper and more successful relationships. In essence, we point you in the right direction and give you the tools to make the most of your dating life and, along the way, help you find that special person who brings with them true happiness. Find it today. Join eharmony.
Q&A – Expert backed answers to your questions
Do you have a burning question, personal story, or problem related to this topic? Send it in! Our relationship experts and editorial team may select it and respond with their advice. All submissions are anonymous.
The responses provided here are for informational and entertainment purposes only and do not constitute professional advice. Any advice shared is not a substitute for mental health services or counseling. We encourage you to contact a licensed therapist or support service for any urgent or sensitive issues you are experiencing. We do not provide real-time or personalized support, and we will only provide responses to submissions if we can offer valuable, helpful, and topical answers.
Thanks for sending in your question! Due to the volume of submissions, we’re unfortunately unable to reply to every single one. If your question gets answered, you’ll find it displayed below. — The eharmony team
Is dating just too exhausting in your 30s?
I’m M33, and I’m starting to feel like dating is just a huge drain. In my 20s, dating was exciting, and I was able to meet new people and build connections easily. But now that I’m in my 30s, it feels like dating is just full of disappointment and frustration. I’ll go on a date, but there’s no spark, or the person is emotionally unavailable. I don’t want to give up on finding love, but it’s hard to keep trying when nothing seems to stick.
How do I keep dating without burning out in my 30s?
Laurel Houseeharmony Relationship ExpertLead with curiosity, be strategic, forget the spark, and instead aim to build a flame. I know dating can be frustrating. Especially when you are narrowly focused on getting sparked by a specific feeling. The truth is that that sparking feeling is rare, even more so when you want it so badly that it’s your sole focus. In my experience and talking to my clients, it’s actually better NOT to feel that spark. Because sparks fly and eventually fade. What lasts is when you create a connection. Flip your dating perspective and view it as an exploration with the energy of curiosity. Here are some steps to being strategic and avoiding burnout when dating in your 30s or in general:
- Go in with an attitude of “I’m interested to see if I’m interested.”
- Extract the 3Ws: Where were you, Where are you, Where are you going? Those are the 3 areas of focus that you want to explore with your date.
- Date head-first, then drop down to your heart. By dating head-first, you lead with curiosity. You want to learn about them and also tell them about you. Tell stories, don’t just ask questions.
Focus on creating a flame. Don’t just sit there and hope a spark magically appears without doing the work to create that connection that lights that match and slowly builds that enduring and roaring flame.
How dating over 30 works with eharmony
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