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Signs of an insecure man – How to date someone with insecurity

by eharmony Editorial Team - October 17, 2021

Signs of an insecure man range from distance and silence to jealousy or manipulative behaviors. It gets problematic when it overwhelms his mental state, triggers unhealthy behavior that causes damage to your personality and connection. So, how do you know that you are dating an insecure man? Being able to spot the signs and understanding the reasons behind them can help you manage your relationship well.

Dating an insecure man? The 10 signs and the most common insecurities

Most men are even unaware of their insecurities. If you are dating an insecure man, you may not be aware of his insecurities at the beginning of the getting to know process. To avoid being caught up in a toxic relationship, you should watch out for some behavioral traits in an intense extent. Does he overdo it when it comes to expressing feelings? Is he too clingy, or too secretive?

1. He lies to you or exaggerates the truth

Well, it’s easy to spot a habitual liar. His lies are mostly intentional to either make himself look more successful, special, or talented than he really is or due to fear of rejection. Some guys lie when they feel uncomfortable with who they are. Sometimes you might find him brag about his looks or talent as he often compares himself to others. This insecurity leads to plenty of fibbing and exaggerations.

2. He goes out of his way to show his masculinity or gets very defensive

Usually, confident men don’t feel the need to prove themselves to anyone. But a sign of an insecure man is a fragile ego. If the situation arises that makes them less” macho” they’re likely to pick a fight. You might find him arguing a lot. If your man is too quick to feel offended then it’s a sign of insecurity.

3. He will often fish for compliments  

The intense need for reassurance and lack of confidence are the clear signs of an insecure guy. He’s likely to ask you a lot of questions about himself as he wants you to praise him. He is very concerned about his appearance. He often confirms if you still love him; it’s his low self-esteem that makes him want constant validation.

4. He tries to flatter you 

A subtle sign – he treats you like a princess and says sweet things like he considers himself lucky to have a girlfriend like you who is so far out of his league. He brings you expensive gifts. After a while, you realize his feelings are overwhelming and he is pushy as he starts to rush things. He is scared of losing you. It is a red flag when his sweet nature feels like overbearing possessiveness.

5. He becomes jealous easily

At the start, you are likely to think he is very caring and just being a protective boyfriend. But then his attentiveness turns to overwhelming obsession. Another sign of an insecure man is that he gets annoyed when you spend time away from him. He frequently texts or calls to check on you and he cannot stand the fact that you can have a good time outside your relationship. Does he feel uncomfortable with your progress too?

6. He is constantly being critical of you

This is another weird trait of insecure men. While they cannot take even the most constructive criticism, they’ll be the first to criticize others. He will be overly critical of you so that you don’t focus on his shortcomings. His insecurity acts up when you say him your concerns and ask him to reflect on his behavior. He’ll mostly turn the blame on you for upsetting him.  

7. He is controlling and has trust issues

Is he threatened by all the guys in your life? Does he always demand to know where you are and who you’re spending your time with? Does he take all the decisions? Does he often check your phone? He thinks you are not loyal and may even accuse you of flirting with someone else. These are the signs he is very insecure and is an indicator of a toxic relationship. He can get aggressive when things do not go his way.    

8. He plays the victim always

He tries to influence your sympathy to gain support and compassion. He makes you believe that he has been a victim of bad relationships in the past. When talks about his exes, he tells you how he became the victim and how they cheated him. He will never talk about his mistakes or weakness.

9. He plays mind games with you

One of the obvious signs of an insecure man – he plays this game when you don’t give him what he wants. The fact is, he tries to manipulate words and shifts the blame on you. He is testing your devotion but is actually craving for love and validation. He is likely to say things like he will break up with you and expects you to beg him to stay.

10. He just agrees with you about everything

Another subtle sign of an insecure man – the reason is confidence issues. He is scared to say something different. He doesn’t offer his opinions; his response stems from the fear that he might upset you if he does not agree with you. You will also notice, he has no real friends and he spends all his time with you. Though harmless, this behavior trait in a boyfriend can make him a boring companion.

Tips for how to be more confident

We look at how to be more confident, managing internal monologues, foster healthy relationships and how to be more confident in yourself.

Pro-tips to deal with an insecure boyfriend

If his insecurities are harmless, then

  • ensure to spend more quality time with him
  • understand and support him and openly communicate
  • tell him about his importance in your life
  • reaffirm that you love him
  • value his inputs
  • be a good listener
  • try to boost his confidence
  • encourage him to socialize, and
  • most importantly give him time to improve

Dating an insecure man can take up a lot of your time and energy. Sometimes an insecure man’s mind games are tough to handle. If you don’t act in time it can convert into a smothering relationship and coping with his insecurity will be a nightmare. If his behaviors are affecting your ability to function individually or as a couple in a healthy way, then it’s time to cut ties. Because you don’t want to feel guilty about staying in a bad relationship.

Choose eharmony for a happy and a compatible relationship

Insecurity is not always a dating deal-breaker. Recognize emotions and pick up signs of an insecure man by checking in. But, if things are heading south, it’s best to pause and reflect on your relationship, without playing the role of a therapist. If you’re looking for a long-term, serious relationship, try eharmony. The matching algorithms generate behavioral data to offer compatibles matches for your next potential partner. Join today and meet like-minded singles that look for the same thing as you – real love.

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