Curiosity Didn’t Kill This Cat: 140 Questions To Ask Someone
Getting to know each other is an integral part of the dating process, but it can be very hard to know what kind of questions to ask. In this article, we’ve covered a range of topics, each with plenty of example questions to ask to get to know someone.
What you need to know about questions to ask
Asking questions is a great way to get to know someone, and to build trust – but choosing the right questions (and the right time to ask) is key. More serious questions are best reserved for when you’ve been dating a while, while more light-hearted questions are fantastic for breaking the ice during the initial stages of dating.
To make things easier, we’ve split our suggestions for questions to ask into several categories. You’ll find both light-hearted and more serious questions here, as well as questions to ask at different stages of your relationship.
Funny questions to ask
Couples that laugh, last – it’s scientifically proven1! Here are ten questions to help tickle your funny bones (and get to know each other better in the process.)
- Quick, what are 3 random things that first come to your mind?
- Would you rather have a frog’s head or frog legs?
- What’s the weirdest thing you have ever eaten?
- What’s the most embarrassing item of clothing you have ever worn?
- What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever Googled?
- Would you rather be bald or have a mullet?
- Would you rather be trapped in a room filled with snakes or spiders?
- Do you have a completely useless talent? What is it?
- What’s your favorite song to sing in the shower?
- What’s the oddest dream you’ve ever had?
Thought-provoking questions to ask
It’s fun to laugh with your partner, but as the relationship progresses, you’ll want meaningful conversations, too. These ten questions will push you both to really think about the answers and will hopefully lead to connections on a deeper level.
- What keeps you up at night?
- If you had one day left to live, what would you do?
- If you could ask me anything and have me answer truthfully, what would it be?
- What does love mean to you?
- If money didn’t matter, what would you do with your time?
- When you were a kid, what did you think being this age would be like? Is the reality different?
- If you had unlimited confidence, what daring things would you do?
- If you were going to transport us into any era (either forward or back), where would we go and why?
- Who inspires you to be a better person?
- If you could fix one of the biggest problems in the world, what would that problem be?
Dating and relationship expectations questions to ask
Being clear about your expectations right from the start is the best way to have a functional, healthy relationship. It can also help you sidestep the heartbreak that’s inevitable when you and your partner just aren’t on the same page.
- What does a balanced relationship look like to you?
- What are your goals in this relationship?
- How do you like to receive affection?
- What would you like to see more of in our relationship?
- What would you like to see less of in our relationship?
- Do you prefer staying in or going out?
- Where do you see this relationship a year from now?
- What can we do to make this relationship easier for each other?
- What is your love language ?
- What’s your idea of a perfect date?
Core Values questions to ask
Your core values are the things that are most important to you, the principles that guide your life. Shared values are often the key to what makes a relationship work; while opposites attracting is great in theory, in reality people are far more likely to find happiness with partners whose values match theirs. Some questions to ask to figure out your partner’s core values:
- What is important to you?
- What do you spend your free time on?
- What do you talk about doing but don’t actually do?
- If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
- In your opinion, what are the three things a person should be?
- In your opinion, is lying ever acceptable? In what circumstances?
- Why do you vote the way you do?
- How important is religion to you?
- Find a list of values, and pick your top three. How do you define each of those values?
- If you were in a situation that caused conflict between your most important values, how would you proceed?
Questions to ask about the future, ambitions, hopes and dreams
No matter how great the present is, thinking about the future is important, too. Questions about the future let you find out if you have a common vision of what that future is, and are best asked early.
- What would you do with your life if you were suddenly awarded a billion dollars?
- What’s one thing you want to do together that we’ve never done before?
- Where do you see yourself in five years?
- Do you think elderly parents should move in with their children once they can no longer live on their own?
- What are your thoughts on having kids?
- What does retirement look like to you?
- What does your dream house look like?
- Do you plan on staying in this city forever? If not, where would you like to move?
- What are your financial goals? What steps are you taking to achieve them?
- Do you have a bucket list? What are your favorite items on it?
Childhood, family and upbringing questions to ask
Our families make us, and our childhood experiences can shape who we are as adults. Besides all of that, it’s just fun to hear stories about our partners when they were younger. Some questions to ask your SO about their past:
- Where did you grow up? Do you still live there?
- Do you have siblings? Are you close to each other?
- How often do you talk to your parents?
- Is there anything about the way you were raised that you would like to replicate with our children?
- Is there anything about the way you were raised that you do not want to pass on to our children?
- Do you have a favorite family tradition? What is it?
- What’s a childhood treat you still enjoy as an adult? Is there one you miss?
- Were/are you close with your extended family?
- What was your favorite activity as a child?
- What was your favorite subject in school? Your least favorite? Why?
Questions to ask about hobbies and interests
A person’s hobbies aren’t just how they spend time, they can also be a good indicator of their values and personality. These kinds of questions work well as icebreakers, or on a first or second date. You can also ask follow-up questions if something piques your interest.
- How do you spend your free time?
- What’s your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?
- Do you have a passion project?
- What’s your favorite thing to do after work?
- Would you rather a quiet dinner with a few friends or a massive party with lots of people?
- Do you think hobbies should be monetized? Why or why not?
- Do you prefer hobbies you can do on your own, or ones you need other people for?
- What’s the oddest hobby you’ve ever heard of?
- Is there a hobby you pursued as a child that you’d like to take up again as an adult?
- Would you be okay with sharing a hobby with your significant other?
Travel questions to ask
Travel is a big part of some people’s lives… and something to be avoided at all costs for others. Even if you both love to see the world, you might have very different travel styles. Asking each other some of these questions before starting to plan a trip together can help ensure that it’s smooth sailing all around.
- Do you like to go full speed ahead or are you a more relaxed kind of traveler?
- What’s your favorite kind of destination? Cities, mountains, beaches, the countryside? Or a mix?
- What kinds of things do you think it’s important to spend money on while traveling?
- What’s something embarrassing that happened while you traveled?
- Do you prefer to be the one doing the planning, or would you rather someone else do it?
- What’s your dream destination that you haven’t visited yet?
- What’s a popular travel destination that you think is really overrated?
- What’s your packing style? Carry-on only or all the checked bags?
- What kind of activities do you like to do when you travel?
- What’s your favorite trip you’ve been on so far?
Intimacy, sex, and physical compatibility questions to ask
Sex is a huge part of most romantic relationships, which means it’s important that both you and your partner are on the same page, both before any physical intimacy happens and after. Consider reading a sex ed book2, either individually or as a couple, to broaden your understanding of how sex works. And remember, consent is key.
- What are some sexual activities you feel comfortable engaging in?
- Are there any sexual activities you do not want to engage in?
- How do you let people know if something stops feeling good? I’d like to know what to watch out for.
- Sex? Is there something that triggers you, or takes you out of feeling good in that moment? What can I do to avoid triggering you? What should I do if you do feel that way?
- Have you been tested for STIs? Can we get tested together?
- What kind of protection do you want to use for different kinds of sex (oral, penetrative)?
- Do you have an allergy to latex, or anything else used for birth control?
- Do you want to be exclusive? If not, how can we best protect each other from STIs?
- What kind of limits would you like to set around sex and alcohol or drug use?
- What kind of limits would you like to set around sharing sex pictures of each other?
Friends and social life questions to ask
While Hollywood and romance novels may try and convince you that your romantic partner should be the be-all and end-all of your life, nothing could be further from the truth. Friendships are important not only for you but for a healthy relationship as well. You also don’t want to end up with somebody whose social life is incompatible with yours, so it’s especially important to ask these questions before you get too serious.
- Would you rather have a few close friends, or many acquaintances?
- What is your favorite way to spend time with your friends?
- Are you more of an extrovert, an introvert, or an ambivert?
- What do you value most in a friendship?
- How often would you ideally go out every week?
- Have you ever had a friendship breakup? What happened?
- Do you think people with vastly different viewpoints can be friends?
- What is your favorite thing about [Friend’s Name]?
- What would it take for you to end a friendship?
- What would you do if your friends didn’t like me?
Career questions to ask
Given what a large part of our lives our jobs are (as well as the whole needing money to live thing), it’s important to be aware of your partners’ stance on things like career and work-life balance. Some questions to ask about the ol’ 9 to 5:
- If you could choose any career right now, what would it be?
- Would you rather a fulfulling but low-paid career or one that paid well but wasn’t your passion?
- What’s your favorite thing about your job?
- How many hours do you work? Are you okay with the amount?
- How would you feel if I made more money than you?
- Would you be willing to stay home with the kids while I work?
- If I had to move for work, would you be willing to move with me?
- What are your long-term career goals?
- How do you think your work-life balance will change once kids are in the picture?
- What do you see yourself doing after retirement?
Self-reflection questions to ask
It is incredibly important to know yourself, as self-awareness leads to making better life choices. Introspection isn’t always easy, however. You and your partner can help each other through the process, using these questions as a guide.
- Am I using my time wisely?
- Is there anything I’m taking for granted?
- Are my actions in line with my values?
- Am I allowing things out of my control to control me?
- What am I most scared of?
- When did I last try and step out of my comfort zone?
- What is worse: failing, or never trying?
- What am I most grateful for?
- What would I like to change about myself?
- If today were my last day, would I be satisfied with my life?
Books, movies, games and other media questions to ask
For most of us, books, movies and other media are how we relax – and how we connect with other people. Some questions to ask (could especially helpful on your first or second date) that will get the ball rolling:
- What is your favorite book? Why?
- Do you think movie adaptations are ever as good as the original book?
- What’s a book or movie that everyone loves but you don’t?
- If you could change the ending to any book, movie or TV show, would you? How would you change it?
- Have you reread any of your childhood favorites recently? Did you love it as much?
- Would you rather read a physical book, an ebook, or listen to an audiobook?
- Would you rather binge a tv show all at once, or watch new episodes once a week?
- Do you like video games? How do you play, on your phone, a console, or your computer?
- Would you rather go to the theater or watch a movie at home?
- Which movie that you have seen in the theater remains unforgettable for you?
Questions to ask about likes, dislikes and pet peeves
Everyone’s got them – likes, dislikes, and those irrational pet peeves that make no sense to anyone else. Depending on what exactly they are, though, they can become relationship dealbreakers, which is why it’s important to ask.
- What’s something you like that most people don’t?
- Conversely, what’s something you dislike that most people are a fan of?
- Do you have any pet peeves? What are they?
- Do you think it’s important for partners to share the same likes and dislikes?
- If someone has a habit you dislike, how do you deal with it?
- How comfortable are you with awkward conversations?
- Are there any societal norms you think are stupid?
- What would you like to spend more time doing?
- What is something you wish fewer people did?
- What is your ideal day like?
Relationships are built on asking the right question at the right time
Asking each other questions is the best way to get to know your partner and deepen your connection. Think about what you want to know about your partner, how far the relationship has progressed, and what your goals are for the relationship – they will help you pick the right questions to ask. With eharmony, you’ll get plenty of opportunities to ask those questions – so sign up and start getting to know potential matches.