How to Get to Know a Girl in Today’s Dating Scene

Navigating conversations with a girl you’re interested in can be challenging. You might have shared a few laughs and talked about the basics, but knowing how to get to know a girl successfully? It’s easy to feel stuck or worry about awkward silences, wondering how to make a genuine connection.

Don’t worry, you’re not alone in this. Everyone experiences these moments of uncertainty. To help you out, we’ve gathered some effective techniques and thoughtful questions to deepen your conversations and truly get to know her better. Let’s dive into how you can enhance your interactions, build rapport, and create a more meaningful bond with the girl you’re interested in.

15 tips for how to get to know a girl anyone can use

Firstly, here are some practical tips you can follow to learn how to get to know a girl, questions to ask them and how to get things started.

Pick the right time and context

There are spaces like bars, cafes and museums where a woman might expect someone to initiate conversations, and other places where it may come across as odd. Are you in an inherently social space?

Also, pay attention to her body language and signs of attraction. If she’s talking to people, looks preoccupied or is just generally in a reserved mood, it may not be a good idea.

• Example 1: If you’re at a lively party where everyone is mingling, it’s probably a good opportunity to strike up a conversation
• Example 2: Avoid approaching her if she’s engrossed in her laptop at a quiet library; she might prefer not to be disturbed

Learn how to start a conversation

If you work up the nerve to make an approach, getting past the initial introduction can often leave people tongue-tied. There’s no need to start flirting from the get-go, so start with something innocuous like a comment on the environment you’re in, complimenting something distinct about them, or even asking for a recommendation on the menu or nearby location.

Example questions for how to start a conversation with a girl:

• “This place has such a cozy vibe. Do you come here often?”
• “I noticed your jacket is from [brand], I love their designs! Where did you get it? “

Be inquisitive

You’ll never learn how to get to know a girl if you don’t learn how to ask a girl out. Start with small-talk level conversation like asking a bit about her life, what her interests are, or if she’s enjoyed any movie or book recently. For example:

• “What kind of music do you like to listen to?”
• “Have you read any good books lately?”

Avoid constant or inappropriate questions to ask a girl

Conversations are give-and-take. Particularly, when you approach someone as a stranger, you want to diffuse tension by also talking about yourself a bit. You should steer away from it feeling like an interview.

It’s also important to know where to draw the line and not ask things that are too personal or familiar, like their dating history

• Avoid asking, “So, how many exes do you have?” Instead, try, “What do you enjoy doing on weekends?”
• Instead of, “Why are you single?” ask, “What’s your favorite way to spend a day off?”

Ask about their passions

People tend to get excited and more effusive when talking about the interests and ideas that drive them. This can be a great way of giving the conversation the steam it needs to move forward to perhaps making plans in the future, or asking for their contact details when figuring out how to get to know a girl.

• “What hobby are you most passionate about?”
• “Is there a project you’re working on right now that you’re excited about?”

Ask about the future as much as the past

While people generally enjoy talking about themselves and sharing little bits of their personal history, the past has measures of both joy and regret, which can weigh down an otherwise light conversation.

And while we can be apprehensive of the future, people generally look at it in hopeful terms. Ask them about the things they plan to see and do someday.

• “What’s one place you’ve always wanted to visit?”
• “Do you have any goals you’re working towards right now?”

Be present and listen actively

It’s important to look and interact with her like you’re actively engaged with what she’s saying. Simple ways to do this are by validating what she’s saying by responding with something like, “That’s a really interesting perspective on x.” or trying to build on what they said by interpreting it like, “Oh, so you’re saying that y.”

• “That’s fascinating! Can you tell me more about how you got into that hobby?”
• “It sounds like your trip to Japan was amazing. What was your favorite part?”

Learn how to get to know a girl beyond her words

It’s often not just about what she’s saying, but how she’s saying it. What’s her tone? Is her body language open to you or remaining closed? Are her responses open-ended or do they seem like they’re trying to end the interaction? These signals can tell whether she’s genuinely interested in the interaction or just being politely responsive.

• Notice if she’s making eye contact and smiling, which typically indicates genuine interest
• Pay attention if her body is turned towards you and she’s leaning in slightly, showing engagement

Accept that awkward moments will happen

Even if you don’t have a problem figuring out how to start a conversation and keep it going, you’re still probably going to run into some conversational dead ends, or territories that just start to feel uncomfortable. It’s important not to panic or grasp at topical straws. Instead, just try to lightheartedly note the awkwardness and pivot the conversation somewhere else.

• If you hit a lull, you might say, “Well, that was a bit of an awkward silence! Let’s talk about something fun – what’s your favorite movie?”
• Laugh off an awkward moment by saying, “Oops, I think I ran out of things to say for a second there. What’s the best meal you’ve ever had?”

Be honest and open about yourself

Only bad relationships are built on lies and withheld information, so always avoid lying during the interaction – having it come out later could make them feel misled or betrayed.

It’s also important to be a bit vulnerable when figuring out how to get to know a girl, don’t just present a polished, idealized version of yourself. Be willing to share your endearing imperfections as well as your strengths.

• “I have a quirky habit of collecting old maps. It might sound odd, but I love the history behind them.”
• “I’ve been trying to learn guitar, but I’m still pretty terrible at it. Do you play any instruments?”

Compliment her sparingly but genuinely

We often tend to equate compliments with flirting, but it’s more nuanced than that. Giving compliments to a girl too much can often make her feel objectified, or like you’re flattering her for manipulative reasons.

When you do, make sure it isn’t about something superficial or insincere. A good compliment should make her feel truly seen and heard, beyond what lies on the surface.

• “I really admire how passionate you are about your work. It’s inspiring.”
• “Your insights on [topic] were really thought-provoking. I hadn’t considered that perspective before.”

Make conversations with you something to look forward to

Avoid the friend zone by making sure they associate interacting with you as a positive, enjoyable two-way experience. You want to understand the woman you’re interested in but make sure your conversations are also punctuated by humor, levity, stress relief and, most importantly, serve as a source of perspective and affection they don’t feel with others.

• Share a funny story from your day to lighten the mood and make her smile
• Show genuine interest and excitement in her stories and experiences, making her feel valued and heard

Always move interactions forward

The difference between flirting and a conversation is that flirting has an actual destination. You may feel nervous about taking the leap and asking for her phone number or that first date, but it’s the only way to go anywhere with the interaction. It can also help you cut your losses early if she’s not interested in you romantically.

• “I’ve really enjoyed talking with you. Would you like to grab coffee sometime?”
• “This has been a great conversation. How about we continue it over dinner next week?”

Learn how to get to know a girl face-to-face

Modern singles tend to over-rely on the idea of how to get to know a girl over text. But words, emojis and video conversations can only get you so far, in terms of intimacy. Many initial bonding processes in dating occur face-to-face. These processes include mapping each other’s body language, better informational non-verbal exchange through eye contact¹ and the opportunity to engage physically.

• Suggest meeting up in person for a casual activity, like visiting a museum or going for a walk
• Plan a face-to-face meeting where you can engage in a shared interest, such as attending a concert or trying a new restaurant

Don’t rush the process

Every romantic relationship has a pace that both should be mutually comfortable with. It’s important not to try and move things forward before you think they’re ready. They may like you or be excited to get to know you, which is an opportunity you could end up fumbling if you try and push them out of their comfort zone too quickly.

• If she seems hesitant, take it slow and let her set the pace. Respect her boundaries and give her time to open up
• Focus on building a strong foundation of friendship and trust before pushing for a romantic relationship

The best way to get to know someone and build on your relationship shifts as you get more familiar with each other, and also depends on the channels you chat over. Let’s look at some good approaches in these various scenarios.   

How do you get to know a girl properly?

Always make sure any interaction is meaningful by being more relaxed, present and confident in your approach and conversation style, inviting the same in them. Focus initially on establishing commonalities and building rapport through questions. Always respect their boundaries while still pushing the interaction forward.

• “What’s one thing you’re excited about right now?”
• “What do you enjoy doing in your free time?”
• “Is there a book or movie that has had a significant impact on you?”

How to get to know a girl you just met

Try to make a positive first impression that helps you stand out. Avoid cliched icebreakers and pay careful attention to changes in body language during the conversation. Try to adjust your approach based on this. And remember to ask for their contact details, if it feels right.

• “What brings you to this event/venue today?”
• “I’m curious, what’s the best thing that’s happened to you this week?”
• “Do you have any favorite spots around here that you’d recommend?”

How to get to know a girl over text

If you approached them, initiate the text conversation afterward. Maintain a friendly, respectful and clear tone and mirror their texting style, where you can. Don’t text too much or at strange hours. Try to move to a more direct communication method when it feels appropriate.

• “Hey, I enjoyed our conversation earlier. What are you up to this evening?”
• “I saw this article about [topic you discussed]. What do you think about it?”
• “Do you have any fun plans for the weekend?”

How to get to know a girl online

Online interactions are more tender and often cut off without warning so make sure to pick the right platform for your dating goals, polish your profile, be authentic and keep conversations light, engaging and respectful at first. Remember to stay safe online.

• “What made you decide to join this platform?”
• “I noticed you like [interest/hobby]. How did you get into that?”
• “If you could visit any place in the world, where would you go and why?”

How to get to know a girl you like already

Does it already feel like there’s something more there, or is it just friendliness? If there is, let her know about your feelings without coming across as too intense. Suggest a casual date activity where you can get to know each other in this new dynamic.

• “I really enjoy our conversations. Would you like to grab coffee sometime?”
• “I’ve been thinking about trying out [activity]. Would you be interested in joining me?”
• “What’s something fun you’d like to do that we haven’t done together yet?”

How to get to know a girl on a deeper level

Once you’ve gotten past the initial getting-to-know-you phase, take your interactions deeper by exploring their passions, seeing what values you share and learning to handle moments where you differ, openly and honestly. This time should be about nurturing your growing emotional intimacy.

• “What’s a goal you’re working towards right now?”
• “What values are most important to you in a friendship or relationship?”
• “How do you handle challenges or setbacks in your life?”

How to get to know a girl better in the relationship

As the honeymoon phase dies down a bit in a relationship, it’s important to encourage the growing process by expressing curiosity and ensuring you spend enough quality time together. This is when your love will deepen through shared ambitions and goals for the relationship.

• “What’s something new you’d like us to try together?”
• “What are your dreams or goals for our future?”
• “How can we support each other better in our personal goals?”

To get to know a woman you must first understand that woman

When it comes to learning how to get to know a girl, it all boils down to how you see that girl and your ultimate vision of a relationship with them. They – not simply the notion of companionship – should be the goal. By confidently pursuing the real them, and keeping a genuine interest in discovering all their hidden qualities and subtle charms, your communication style will be naturally guided by respect, authenticity and passionate curiosity. So try to adapt these tips to each girl as an individual and in a way that matches your style and distinct personality. By communicating purposefully and genuinely, you’ll not only get to know your partner on a deeper level but also build strong, happier relationships.