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Mastering Dating: How to Get a Girlfriend with Strategic Step

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by eharmony Editorial Team - November 22, 2023

In the fast-shifting world of online dating, where rules and etiquette seem to change all the time, how to get a girlfriend seems like a difficult concept to pin down. However, while how singles interact is evolving, there are more ways than ever to find dating opportunities.

We share some tips and techniques for people of any sexuality on how to find a girlfriend as well as some general advice for building meaningful connections with single women in these formats. 

Some old and new ways to meet women

Step one in how to get a girlfriend is meeting the right people. Here are some activities to explore to expand not just your social circle but also your horizons:

  • Nightlife – Pick spots that match your general vibe and do some research on the best singles bars in your area
  • Learning spaces – A night class or workshop is the ideal environment to meet new people given how group-oriented they often are
  • Online communities – There are communities for almost every topic and these are ideal for more socially reserved people. Reddit and Discord are popular community platforms
  • Singles events – From loose mixers to structured speed dating, these events help get you out there and interacting one-on-one
  • Volunteering – Find a cause you want to serve and you’ll also find a like-minded community and perhaps a bit more
  • Join a club – Sports or activities clubs offer a nice social team atmosphere. However, any hobby or group activity will introduce you to new friends and dating opportunities  
  • Online dating – If you’re wondering  how to get a girlfriend online, this is the easiest method. For young singles, it’s the most popular way to date according to a study published by the National Academy of Sciences1

How to get a girlfriend: tips on attracting one

Three key aspects of attraction are chemistry, self-awareness and self-improvement. 

Chemistry can’t be faked. It’s the bedrock of any enduring connection and differs from woman to woman. Women can’t ge tricked into feeling it but even if they could, if you want to know how to make a girlfriend happy and keep her that way, your bond needs to be more natural.

Self-awareness can keep you in the right mindset for dating. It can also help steer you early on in a relationship, when saying and doing the right things are so important. Self-awareness helps you know what and who you’re looking for. 

Self-improvement is about identifying weaknesses or deficiencies in your method of how to find a girlfriend that can be improved upon. This could be as easy as better grooming and a bit of exercise. Other times, you may need to go deeper, such as improving your social skills, building up self-confidence and figuring out your potential turn-offs.

Building a connection with a woman

So you’ve started a conversation with an interesting, eligible woman and now you want to move forward towards a genuine connection. Here are some quick tips:

  • Be conscious of body language – People constantly telegraph their inner feelings. Negative body language can include crossed arms, lack of eye contact and a rigid posture. Positive body language can include someone touching their own arm or face, fidgeting with their hair or unconscious efforts to be physically closer to you  
  • Keep the conversation balanced – Make sure your conversation isn’t all about your or you’ll bore any women. Try to find things in common. For example, “I just got back from an amazing hiking trip, how do you like to get active?” Avoid personal questions for now though.
  • Stay natural – Even if you’ve walked across the room just to talk to her, normal conversation etiquette applies if you want to know how to get a girlfriend. Don’t put pressure on the situation and keep any conversation light at first
  • Stay courteous and respectful –  If you’re rude or negative during your first interaction, your connection is likely dead in the water. One of the most important things women look out for is whether you’ll be kind after the flirty facade drops
  • Try a bit of humor – Humor should be used in moderation but making someone laugh is the quickest way to their heart. Make sure your jokes aren’t inappropriate or at their expense
  • Be complimentary – This seems obvious but you should know what to compliment her on. Avoid her looks or physical features as these aren’t personal achievements. Rather, you should compliment her on something she has agency over like her style, outlook on a topic or a personality trait you’ve noticed
  • Don’t come on too strong – This is the top thing to avoid when thinking about how to find a girlfriend. If you’re too obvious or forward, it may scare them off. If you flirt, flirt playfully, not aggressively 
  • Know when to move it forward – Even if the conversation is going exactly the way you want it, people have finite time. Keep the conversation limited to 15-30 minutes and then try to take it to the next level, like asking for their contact details.

But what about when your conversation is happening online?

How to get a girlfriend online

More and more singles are using online dating as their primary dating source. Not only is it simple to get started but it lets you date from anywhere, on your own time. It also makes it easier to find people with shared interests and values, making better use of your dating efforts.

Here’s some advice on how to get a girlfriend on dating sites and apps:

  • Ask questions and make sure to keep it open-ended. Try to avoid yes-or-no answer questions
  • Always do some research on their profile to figure out what you have in common and good topics to explore
  • Make sure your profile is suitably polished and expresses what makes you special
  • Be careful of bad grammar and spelling errors. This can be a big turn-off
  • Don’t be afraid to stand out. Your messages help you communicate your individuality
  • Text isn’t always the best opener. Some services have other communication features like interacting with an aspect of their profile, or sending a GIF
  • Try to take things offline and on a proper date as quickly and appropriately as possible
  • Never share any personal details or compromising content online as there are malicious accounts out there

Modern dating etiquette guide

While the dating scene has changed, dating etiquette and how to get a girlfriend has remained mostly the same: treat dates with respect, try to make the event engaging, explore each other’s opinions and lives and find out if a second date is what either of you want.

What has changed is women are increasingly initiating interactions as gender roles evolve. What constitutes a date has also become more diverse, being anything from a 15-minute coffee meet to a group hangout with friends.

But romance remains alive and well. So what are some essential dos and don’ts on a date? Here are a few:

Do’s and Dont’s on a date when searching for a girlfriend

ask questions and listenbe later
put your phone away for the datebreak the bank on a first date. An exploratory date could be smoothies in the park. If you feel a deeper connection, you can plan something elaborate
drink only in moderationget ahead of yourself. Enjoy the moment
have pristine manners and be courteous towards serving staffovershare with your date or dump emotional baggage on them
offer to pay if the date was your idea  hide the real you on dates

When figuring out how to make a girlfriend out of a blossoming connection, what’s most important is reacting to them. To be mindful enough to tell when you’ve misstepped. And to also know when it’s going somewhere interesting. All it takes to achieve this is effort, patience and an engaged mindset.    

Wondering what boyfriend material means?

We look at boyfriend material and its meaning in today’s society, how we often misunderstand the term and tips.

You should rather ask how to get a girlfriend who also deserves you

Even though online dating and modern conventions have somewhat changed the answer to the question, ‘How do I get a girlfriend?’ all it has really done is provide more avenues and opportunities to meet and connect with women.

The steps remain unchanged:

  • Explore group activities and communities that interest you, both online and offline
  • Take stock of the little things you can change to make yourself more attractive to the types of women you like
  • When you find someone you like, take the initiative and start a conversation
  • Use the conversation to establish a connection and then, possibly, set up a date
  • Be respectful, fun and mindful during the date and you may find yourself on a second one
  • Repeat the last step until you build intimacy and find love

At eharmony, we make better use of your time online by only introducing you to like-minded compatible singles who want an authentic, lasting relationship. So spend less time exploring and more time connecting. Find your next great relationship on eharmony now.

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