won't comitt

10 reasons he doesn’t want to commit to you

by Eharmony Editorial Team - February 1, 2019

Want to move your relationship onto the next stage but can’t get your partner to commit? Here are ten reasons he might be holding back. Ladies, are you in this situation? Gentlemen, does any of this ring true?

You feel like you’ve found your soulmate but he just doesn’t want to commit to you. If not knowing why is driving you mad, here are 10 possible reasons

1. He still holds a torch for his ex

If a man isn’t over his ex, he’s not going to tell you and he might not even be able to admit it. Maybe getting together with you made him realise he was still in love with his ex. Whatever the situation, the sooner you get him to face the truth, the better. Look for evidence of his feelings – if he still keeps pictures of her around, or tries to keep in regular touch on social media, you’ve got a problem.

2. He’s been treated badly in the past

When someone goes through a bad break-up they should always take the time to recover, regain confidence and become their own person again. Without this, it’s likely they’ll bring problems into their next relationship and perhaps have a difficulty with comittment. If you want to make a go of it, you’ll need the patience to prove to your partner that things can be different this time.

3. You’re not the only one

If you haven’t had the ‘being exclusive’ conversation, it’s possible you’re not the only person he’s dating. Look for the signs: he’s sketchy about the details of his evenings away from you, he keeps his phone on him at all times. Maybe he wants to keep his options open but if you’re ready to be exclusive you need to be brutal. Either she goes or you do.

4. He likes being single

Some men love their freedom, it’s as simple as that. Yes, they enjoy having a woman to go to dinner with, they rarely say no to sex, but they’re just not interested in what comes after. If you really want to commit but it doesn’t fit his lifestyle, you should consider cutting your ties. If a man prides himself on being an eternal bachelor, change will only come from him.

5. Joined lives, separate bank accounts

As much as we wish it were otherwise, money is at the heart of many relationship issues. Maybe your man wants to establish his career properly before settling down, or maybe the thought of joint finances terrifies him. In the former case, you need to show him that your support can only aid his ambitions, and in the latter you can simply talk frankly about how every relationship is a risk – but that this one is worth taking. If he’s still not convinced, you could always suggest a formal financial agreement (and they say romance is dead…)

6. He loves falling in love

Falling in love can be addictive, and it’s not difficult see why: the thrill of the chase, those exciting first dates,and the joy of getting to know someone. Once that feeling fades, however, some people aren’t interested in the deeper connections that follow (which can be just as amazing, if not more so). If he’s had a string of short relationships you might be dealing with a romance-junkie.

7. He feels pressured

When we really want something, we’re all sometimes guilty of laying it on a bit thick. Rather than just suggesting you want to take your relationship up a notch, perhaps ask yourself if you’re nagging him about it. Even if he does want a future with you, he might be tempted to pull away. No-one likes to feel like they’ve been pushed into making a decision. If you think this is the case, tray easing up the pressure and he may come around in time.

8. He’s not ready for responsibility

Genuine comittment is a huge and serious step. It means you have to consider that person in most if not all of your decisions going forward, from deciding to go away with your friends for a weekend to splurging the last of your wages on something frivolous. He might like you enough to take you out for dinner and drinks, but maybe he’s not ready to be the guy who denies himself those shiny new trainers because you’re both saving for a deposit on a flat.

9. He’s all about the action

Not a shocker this one – some guys are just in it for the sex. Yeah, some women are the same but as a rule of thumb, women bring emotion to sex whereas men often see it as two people having fun. Luckly this state of mind is easy to recognise and if it’s not for you, call it a day.

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10. He’s just not that into you

Sometimes guys end up dating someone because they’re there. Yes, they’ll still put in a bit of effort, but it could be that he’ll just keep you around until someone better comes along. He’s not necessarily being a heartless cad, he just knows deep down that you’re not The One. If any of these reasons resonate, the onus is on you to take action. Some situations will be salvageable and some won’t but the important thing to remember is that ignoring your problems will only make them worse. Be the mature one and air your misgivings – the sense of relief will be overwhelming.

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