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Do You Have Chemistry With Her — and Does it Really Matter?

No two ways about it: Women consider “chemistry” with a man to be the first step toward building a great relationship. And guess what? Most men would probably agree (although they’re far more likely to say things like, “We really hit it off,” or, “We really got along great”).

In one way, it’s true…chemistry is the first step on a longer journey toward building a great relationship. But, on closer inspection, it becomes clear that what we think of as chemistry is really just the beginning…the earliest “signals” created by specific kinds of communication between a man and a woman as they get to know each other better.

That’s why, when we say there’s chemistry between two people, we’re not talking about confirmation that they’re soul mates. We’re really just saying that they have successfully communicated interest in each other — usually through flirting. When extended, mutual flirting happens, it creates the feedback loop of “heightened interest” in both parties that’s experienced as chemistry. So, in this sense, it DOES matter whether a man and woman have chemistry. After all…a guy can’t know if there’s relationship potential if he can’t successfully connect and communicate with a woman in the first place.

All this in mind, let’s get to four ways that a man can test for — and even begin to create — that initial chemical reaction with a woman that he’s just getting to know…

#1 Teasing
This one’s a no-brainer. When a man goes out of his way to tease a woman, it not only signals that he’s interested…it also shows that he’s comfortable and confident in his own skin. This is the #1 criteria of potential boyfriend material. One of my favorite ways to tease is to pick out one of a woman’s most attractive qualities, then comment how it doesn’t impress you at all. And then, if the woman teases you back, you can consider it “signal received”…and game on!

#2 Sarcasm
This one’s more subtle than teasing. It’s being a little too serious for the situation. A great way to use sarcasm to test for chemistry is to take a woman some place that’s just silly and fun on a first date… maybe an amusement park. Even a dog park. Then proceed to make comments that are too concerned and serious for the setting. Point is, if a guy is sarcastic with a woman that he’s just met and gets similar sarcasm back, it’s a HUGE sign that she’s interested.

#3 Shared Interests
Duh, right? Like they say…the only thing that opposites truly attract is relationship failure.

#4 Breaking of physical space
The clearest signal of all. If you can lay your hand on a woman’s back while you guide her through a door, or gently take her hand to lead her up some steps, and she doesn’t subtly “draw back” or increase the distance between you (even better…if she smiles while making eye contact with you) consider it a sure sign of chemistry…and a signal of a potentially deeper, more powerful connection to come.

So what do these “chemistry tests” all have in common? When you’re teasing, being sarcastic, sharing interests and breaking into her space, it opens up a line of communication between two people that says “I want to know more about you.”

And listen: Everyone wants to meet someone who can make them FEEL something in life as well. That’s why chemistry is not just the opposite of disliking someone. (How many stories have we heard about bickering co-workers who eventually hook up?) Chemistry is actually the opposite of INDIFFERENCE — also known as the way most guys make a woman feel when they approach her.

So use these behaviors as powerful tests (and catalysts) for creating that initial chemical reaction in a woman. Then understand that chemistry is actually just the first step of the journey.


Acclaimed relationship expert David DeAngelo reveals why some men are so successful at creating irresistible “chemistry” with a woman when they first meet her (while most guys just leave her feeling bored and uninterested) in his FREE “Dating Secrets” newsletter. This week, David shares more of his most powerful tips and advice for making it happen, so subscribe here.