25 Turn-offs that can doom a relationship
You’re interested in someone, then boom – they suddenly say or do something that stops the attraction in its tracks. Or the turn-offs come from your end, except you have no idea what you did wrong. Nobody’s perfect – and the world would be very boring if everyone was. However, being able to recognize and avoid a few common turn-offs can help you build better, stronger relationships. In this article, we’ll discuss what turn-offs in a relationship are, talk about a few common ones, discuss turn-offs for women versus turn-offs for a guy, and offer a few tips to aoid them.
Key takeaways on turn offs
- What turn offs in a relationship mean – behaviors, habits or attitudes that reduce attraction can weaken emotional connection over time.
- Turn offs for women – being inconsiderate, overly arrogant, or emotionally unavailable as a man can quickly diminish attraction.
- Turn offs for men – excessive negativity, lack of independence, or dishonesty may push them away.
- Some classics – personal hygiene, bad manners, and taking a partner for granted are common deal-breakers for both men and women.
- How to avoid turn offs – self-awareness, open communication, and mutual respect help foster a healthy, lasting connection.
To learn more about turn offs, continue reading the article, where we dive deeper into this topic.
Table of contents
Turn-offs in a relationship
So, what are turn-offs in a relationship? While it’s unrealistic to expect your partner to match you perfectly, it’s not wrong to have things that make it hard or even impossible for you to want to start a relationship. You might even ask yourself, “Is it normal to get turned off by my partner?” and the honest answer is yes. No matter how much you and your partner love each other, sometimes they may or do something that has you shaking your head or turning away.
When it comes to romantic relationships, turn-offs often affect us because they’re proof the person we’re attracted to might not be the person we think they are. Turn-offs might be serious, like having poor personal hygiene – or the other person may express views or do things that are completely contrary to your values. Or it might be simple irritations that get under your skin, like leaving wet towels on the bathroom floor. Regardless of what turns you off, it’s important to talk to your partner; proper communication can save many a relationship that would otherwise have been destined for an unhappy ending.
25 Common relationship turn-offs
- Poor personal hygiene: We think this one is pretty self-explanatory as a turn-off.
- Subtle prejudices: Just because they say it with a wink and a nod doesn’t mean homophobia, racism, or any other form of bigotry is acceptable.
- Bad breath: One of the biggest turn-offs there is. Luckily, it’s pretty easy to cure.
- Always being late: Being late can be interpreted as having no respect for other people’s time.
- Only ever seeing the negative side of things: while some realism is helpful, constant doom and gloom is just exhausting.
- Overwhelming scent or cologne: This is one situation where less is absolutely more, even if you don’t have allergies.
- A sense of superiority: While self-confidence is definitely attractive, nobody wants to be with someone who thinks they’re God’s gift to humanity.
- Overwhelming insecurity: On the flip side, constantly having to reassure your partner can be draining and make you feel like an unpaid therapist.
- A lack of ambition: Especially if you’re type A yourself, having a partner who is less driven can feel like it’s holding you back.
- Uncontrollable jealousy: Having a partner who is excessively possessive is a major red flag – run!
- Clinginess: Like P!nk says, ‘Go away, give me a chance to miss you…’
- Always playing the victim: If anything goes wrong, nothing is ever their fault, no matter the circumstances.
- Pushing boundaries: Not taking no for an answer is just as off-putting in a partner as it is a too-persistent salesperson.
- Having poor financial habits: Being irresponsible with money can have major consequences, not only for the person, but their partner too.
- Having no friends outside the relationship: Someone’s only support being their partner isn’t just unrealistic, it’s unhealthy.
- Doesn’t respect your privacy: A partner who doesn’t respect your privacy is exhibiting major red flags.
- Drinking too much: Alcohol in moderation is fine, but not when your drinking controls you.
- Being either obsessively neat or too much of a slob: Having different standards of cleanliness to your partner is one of the more common turn-offs.
- Being glued to their phone: While there are occasions where you need to pay attention to your phone, making a habit of it can be quite the turn-off to a partner.
- Agreeing with everything you say: While you don’t want a partner who constantly disagrees with you, someone who goes to the other extreme can be just as annoying.
- Smoking, whether it’s cigarettes or weed: For some people, any kind of smoking is a no-go.
- Badmouthing their exes: If one of their exes is crazy, the ex is likely the problem. If all of the exes are? The problem is likely them.
- Not listening: Communication is key to a relationship for a reason.
- Acting passive-aggressively: Dealing with someone who isn’t direct can be exhausting.
- Can’t take feedback: Not being able to accept constructive criticism makes a relationship harder.
Relationship turn-offs and gender differences
We’re told that men and women are turned off by different things, but is that really true?
A 2022 study1 of 212 participants (91 men, 121 women) looked at major dealbreakers in dating and found 11 broad categories – vulgar vocabulary (including a lack of good manners and excessive consumption of food, alcohol, or cigarettes), poor looks (including bad dressing and unkemptness), excessive intimacy (including a lack of personal space and excessive touching), a lack of intelligence (including stupid questions and being boring), narcissism (including being too self-centered and showing off too much), a lack of humor and low self-esteem, stinginess, bad hygiene, ‘slimy’ behavior (including sexist comments and general creepiness), different views, and a lack of exclusive interest.
In a follow-up study, 734 participants were asked to rate how much each of the categories would put them off dating someone. Interestingly, women gave higher scores than men on all of the categories except ‘poor looks’, which was more of a dealbreaker for men. This was borne out by another study done by evolutionary psychologist Katy Walker; in her 14,000-participant, 45-country study, men placed more of a premium on potential mates’ attractiveness than women did2.
3 tips for how to avoid being a turn-off
Remember, the first step to solving a problem is to realize it exists. A few tips for dealing with potential turn-offs, whether general or in your relationship:
Conduct an honest self-assessment
A brutally honest friend can help with this. Figure out the things about you that might inadvertently be putting people off – could your hygiene and grooming be improved? Do you tend to dominate conversations? Do you tend to judge people for what they do? Make a plan to stop doing any (or all) of those things.
Communicate with your partner
While some turn-offs are absolute deal-breakers, there’s still a chance you can repair your relationship if you’re both willing to work on it.
Figure out the balance between your needs and theirs
Every relationship has some give and take. The key to a successful relationship is finding the sweet spot between your own individual desires and personality, and what you need to do for your relationship.
Keeping a relationship going: common turn-ons
We’ve talked about turn-offs, but what about turn-ons? Regardless of whether you’re on the hunt for someone special, have just started dating, or in a years-long relationship – it never hurts to put in a little extra effort to make sure your relationship is everything it should be. Here are five turn-ons to try no matter what stage of dating you’re in:
Respect
As Aretha once sang, all we’re asking for is a little respect. You can’t go wrong with being respectful of your significant other… and making sure you feel respected in your relationship too.
Confidence
Being secure in yourself is very attractive. Not to mention that knowing what you want is great for setting boundaries, and having a healthier relationship in general. Just make sure that self-confidence doesn’t tip over into arrogance!
Generosity
Being generous – not just to your partner, but to the people around you – is one of the biggest turn-ons. Even if you’re not naturally inclined to it, practising generosity and kindness is a great way to up your attractiveness.
Good grooming
We’re not saying you have to be Insta-ready all the time, but paying attention to how you look shows you care about yourself. Plus, it simply makes for a more pleasant experience for the person you’re dating when you’re clean and your breath is fresh.
Listening
The biggest turnon for most people? Feeling understood and listened to. Reading up on active listening and making an effort to practice it is a great way to improve all your relationships, not just your romantic ones.
Avoid turn-offs and strengthen your relationship
Despite what romance novels or rom-coms will tell you, there’s no such thing as a perfect match. No matter how lovely a person your potential partner might be, there will likely be something or the other about them that will be less than perfect. With any luck, any turn-offs they have will be something that can be worked on, rather than something significant enough to destroy the relationship. If that is the case, though, then eharmony is a great option for anyone looking for an authentic relationship. Our unique Compatibility Matching System lets you find partners who share your values, so sign up today and start looking for real love.
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