Woman kisses man on the cheek as a symbol of how to kiss well

How to kiss: get better at connecting physically and emotionally

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by eharmony Editorial Team - November 22, 2023

It’s part of every romcom ever, a key part of relationships and honestly, just plain fun. Apart from the whole pleasure aspect, kissing is also a great way to connect. That said, no matter how much you think you know about how to kiss, there’s always room for improvement. Let’s explore what a good kiss is before showing you how to be a good kisser.  

What makes a good kiss: How to tell if you’re a good kisser 

No matter your experience, there’s a point where you wonder: am I any good at kissing? Of course, the best way to tell if you know how to kiss is feedback from other people, but since it’s not the done thing to go around asking people to rate your smooching skills, here are a few signs that your game is on-point. 

You match the other person’s energy 

Regardless of how skilled you are, going hard when the other person wants gentle (and vice versa) just won’t work. People who know how to kiss are aware of what the other person wants and do their best to provide it.  

Your partner’s body language is encouraging 

A picture may be worth a thousand words, but actions are even more valuable. If the way your partner reacts to your kisses – leaning in, pushing for more – is positive, that’s a sure sign you’re a good kisser.  

You get asked for encores 

It’s a simple truth: people do things they like over and again. So if your partners are coming back for more? Definitely a sign you know what goes into a good kiss.  

Still not sure if you’re a bad kisser?

It’s not a comfortable discovery but sometimes the truth can’t be avoided: you’re a bad kisser. We’ll look at more signs you might be a bad kisser, then move on to some ways you can improve.

How to be a good kisser 

Regardless of where you are on the kissing skills spectrum, there’s always room for improvement. A few tips to make sure your next kiss is all you’re hoping for:  

Make it a pleasant experience  

We’re sure we don’t have to tell you this, but hygiene is an important part of how to kiss well. Make sure to brush your teeth beforehand, and maybe pop a mint if you’ve recently eaten something spicy or strongly flavored. If you’re wearing perfume or cologne, make sure it’s been added with a light touch. Keep your lips soft and moisturized – yes, guys too! 

Set the stage 

A huge part of what makes a good kiss is where and when it happens. Make sure the other person is in the mood for physical affection – sometimes they just aren’t, and that’s fine. Make sure also that where you are is conducive to displays of physical affection – your significant other might not, for instance, want to kiss in public.  

Communicate, especially about consent 

Kissing is just another way of communicating – and many of the same rules apply as to verbal communication. Make sure the other person is on board with what you’re planning – consent is key, after all. You can ask them directly (and you should), but it’s as important to pay attention to their body language and how they respond to you. Are they leaning in? Mirroring your moves? All good signs. Pay attention to what they like – they may or may not appreciate, for instance, your hands in their hair rather than around them. Of course, if they don’t seem to be enjoying it, or even if their body language is neutral rather than enthusiastic, it’s time to back off.  

Get your technique right 

Now we move on to the mechanics of kissing. This will obviously vary from person to person, so don’t be afraid to experiment! Use a mix of lip movements – gentle nibbling, teasing with your tongue, quick touches and lingering – to keep it interesting. Mixing it up when it comes to intensity and speed is also a good idea – sometimes you want hot and heavy with plenty of tongue, other times something soft and gentle is what’s called for. Finally, kissing isn’t just about your mouth on theirs – there’s plenty of other places to kiss (with permission, of course!) Try dropping kisses on the other persons neck, earlobes, and the rest of their face in between the traditional kisses on the mouth.  

Emotion and connection 

As important as the physical connection is, don’t forget emotions play a part in how to be a good kisser. Do be present in the moment – too many see kissing as an appetizer. Good kissers know that it’s an end in itself and a pleasurable one, too. While kissing, make sure the other person knows you’re having a good time – either using body language (eye contact, leaning in, casual touching) or outright praising them – everyone loves a compliment.  

Practice, experiment, have fun! 

It’s a cliché for a reason, but practice really does make perfect. Even if you’re starting out with no experience, or you’re unsure of your kissing skills, that’s no reason to be downhearted – you didn’t get your driver’s license straight away either. It’s also important to remember that not everything works for everyone, so try different techniques or even kissing different people if you’re not in a relationship. Most importantly, though – just keep practising.

Getting your first kiss right

The end of date kiss can be a minefield – does my date want a kiss? What kind of a kiss? When shall I make my move? Here’s how to judge that moment perfectly and how to make the moment magical.

Kissing is just another way to connect  

Kissing is one of the most underrated activities – not only a lot of fun when done right but a great way to deepen your physical and emotional connection while still keeping your clothes on.  Now that you’re armed with these tips on how to kiss, the next step is finding someone to practise them with – which is where eharmony comes in. Since 2000, eharmony has been helping compatible couples find each other. You’ll find eligible singles who want the same thing you do – real connection with a partner who’s physically and emotionally compatible. Sign up for eharmony and put all these kissing tips into practice today!  

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