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Men Who Don’t Confirm Plans: When to Give Him a Pass and When to Pass

by Marni Battista - January 17, 2014

So a guy you’ve been chatting with — whether after meeting online or in person — finally suggests plans to get together but falls silent on the big day. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? If you’ve discussed a date to the extent that you know when and where to meet him, it can be quite perplexing to determine the best course of action if the man in question has gone radio silent.

I generally interpret any significant lapse in communication as a serious red flag.However, there are isolated incidents where it’s not necessarily an immediate cause for dismissal. To help you determine when it’s on and when to pull the plug, here are two of the rare scenarios in which being left hanging can still lead to legitimate possibility.

If it’s before mid-afternoon…

Don’t make any judgment calls before 2:30 p.m. It may sound specific and arbitrary; but once the clock strikes 3 p.m., the day is winding down and approaching early evening (read: too late to accept any new plans).

Sure, you could text him first. But trust me: a man who’s genuinely interested in you would have already beaten you to it. If he attempts to redeem himself significantly after that 2:30 mark, you now have other things to do as far as he’s concerned. Always remember that a man worth your attention will make sure you know his is fully on you.

If it’s in his nature…

In a situation where you’ve been dating someone long enough to pick up on his laid-back nature and tendency to make last-minute plans, there’s no immediate cause for concern. Some genuinely nice and caring guys (and women, for that matter) just don’t operate on the principle that plans need to be set in stone or confirmed beforehand; they’ll simply assume the date is still on or call you to figure out specifics shortly before you intend to meet.

However, the fact that you’re reading this in the first place leads me to believe you’re NOT that kind of woman and that this guy’s personality and behavioral patterns don’t mesh with yours. If you feel you connected in most other ways but this pattern irks you, bring it up as early as possible; there’s a chance he doesn’t realize that what he’s doing isn’t the norm or that it even bothers you. But if he doesn’t recognize the importance of changing, he not only doesn’t realize how lucky he is to have you but isn’t a compatible match for you anyway.

If you glean anything from this article, please know that a guy who not only doesn’t confirm your date but doesn’t follow up to explain or apologize after the hypothetical date is not worth one more shred of your time or attention. You can dream up countless excuses for him or call him to ask what happened, but he should be the one providing a valid explanation for you.

If he’s worth it, he’d have either called beforehand to reschedule or afterward to explain the bizarre emergency situation in which he was unable to call, text, email, Facebook message or send smoke signals. And if he does explain but becomes a regular flake, set your sights on someone with more advanced planning skills who’s more prone to communicating openly and honestly at all times.


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