Once you set out to find your ideal match, the search can seem as if it’s taking forever. Impatience and frustration commonly occur once you immerse yourself in dating — and finding love does not happen as quickly as it has for others.
Love may seem within reach, but also far away. Going on a great set of dates may offer hope and comfort that shatters when the relationship ends. Messaging someone new and planning to meet may offer excitement that dissipates if you are stood up. No matter what you face in the dating world, there is no denying that the search for love can be an emotional rollercoaster.
You can let go of the need to compare your dating life to anyone else’s as comparing generally leads to sadness, jealousy, anger, and further impatience. It can be difficult to grasp what it takes to find a partner because there is such a wide spectrum of the when, where, and how, especially if you believe love comes easy for others. Instead you can accept that love happens in different ways, in different speeds, and at different times. It never happens the exact same way because no two people are exactly alike.
You can also choose to acknowledge the frustration and impatience without letting these emotions dictate your life. When dating isn’t going well or you are dealing with rejection, you can commit to taking a break instead of impulsively deactivating your profile, sending a rude text or email, or giving up on love forever.
It is important to remember that when you are in an overwhelming emotional state after an awful date, breakup, etc., it can be challenging to see the big picture. In fact, most of us are terrible at making decisions when we are anxious, frustrated, resentful or impatient, so realize that you can create time and space to think things through. Highly activated negative emotions, such as anger or sadness, need to be validated and then put in the passenger seat while you get back to steering the wheel.
Here are five statements to recite and commit to when you are feeling impatient and frustrated with your dating life:
1. “I will not force love or settle for an unhealthy relationship.”
Forcing love or dating someone for the sake of dating may make your impatience vanish, but these behaviors only serve as quick fixes. No matter how much you may hate being single, never convince yourself the person you are dating is who you are supposed to be with when your intuition is telling you something is off or not right.
2. “I will leave my negative emotions out of my interactions (including messaging and dates) with potential partners.”
Negative emotions are common, but leading with them is considered unattractive, so don’t go into a date complaining about your love life. Commit to dealing with your frustration and find ways to manage emotions and participate in self-care separately from any communication you have with potential partners.
3. “I will not shame myself if I don’t meet someone by _______.” (Fill in the blank with event, holiday, date of importance.)
It is natural to want to set deadlines, especially if you notice you are lonelier during a particular season. It is healthy to find ways to stay motivated to date, but you may also experience more hopelessness, anger or impatience if your personal deadlines pass without success. Develop strategies to combat loneliness and utilize an empowered inner voice versus a self-critical, self-loathing inner dialogue.
4. “I am in charge of my emotions and behaviors.”
You can stay optimistic, motivated, and committed to your relationship goals despite the inevitable ups and downs or you can do the opposite. The way you characterize dating comes from you as you are in charge of the energy you put into the world and the choices you make for yourself. How do you want to describe your dating life?
5. “True love is worth the wait.”
If you survey happy couples, many will say that they wish they met sooner and had more time together, but they will also say that all of the difficult stuff they faced prior to meeting was worth it to experience the love they have now. So, when your mind tries to convince you to give up or settle for someone less than ideal, remember that the real thing is worth fighting for.
When faced with difficult experiences and emotions, remember to stay present and focused on your goals. Also remember to acknowledge emotions, such as frustration, impatience and sadness without giving yourself a hard time. Be intentional and mindful of the energy you bring into your love life as what you focus on grows.
Would you rather focus on your frustration or focus on your commitment to finding love?
About the Author:
Rachel Dack is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC), Nationally Certified Counselor and relationship coach, specializing in psychotherapy for individuals and couples via her private practice in Bethesda, Maryland. Rachel’s areas of expertise include relationships, self-esteem, dating, mindfulness, anxiety, depression and stress management. Rachel is a co-author to Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life, an International Bestseller, written to support single women in decreasing frustration about single-hood, leaving the past behind, cultivating self-love and forming and maintaining loving relationships. Rachel also serves as a Relationship Expert for http://www.datingadvice.com/ and other dating and relationship advice websites. Follow her on Twitter for more daily wisdom!