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Tips for finding the right person

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by eharmony Editorial Team - November 22, 2023

You’ve been dating for months, gone on blind dates and have manifested for years all for finding the right person, and it hasn’t worked out yet. Don’t worry, you’re not alone. When it comes to dating, everyone wonders when you’ll find the right person. In this article, we’ll look at a few reasons you haven’t found the right person yet, how to find them, and how to be sure they’re right for you.

Why you haven’t found the right person yet

If you’re reading this, you are ready to find the right relationship for you. There can be a host of reasons why finding the right person just hasn’t happened.

1. You’re not in the right headspace

The truth is finding the right person for you is easier when you forget about looking, focus on being the kind of person you want to be and attracting a compatible person. That includes dealing with your past and going to therapy or counseling if you feel you want to. It can be helpful to discuss past relationships or other topics with a professional to ensure you’re ready for an emotional commitment.

2. You’re too picky

Yes, most of us have a list and/or a type. However, it’s one thing for that list to be a guideline and another for it to be pages of requirements. The former is workable, the latter, less so. When you restrict yourself to a certain kind of person, you’re missing out on all the other wonderful potential dates that don’t meet your criteria.

3. You’re settling for less

It’s fine to care about finding the right one – needing to be in a relationship, however, is not. When you need to be in a relationship, not only do you settle for partners that don’t deserve you, you’re also being unfair to your partner – after all, people want to feel special and chosen, not like they’re a better option than being alone.

4. Your judgement can be clouded

From Beauty and the Beast on, we’re inundated with the idea that people can change the “badboy” to a good one through the power of love. While that might work in a fairy tale, it doesn’t work in real life. People don’t change unless they want to, and you deserve better than to waste time and effort trying to turn their red flags to green ones.

5. It’s not time…yet

Although pop culture would have you believe otherwise, there’s nothing wrong with being single. Sometimes, the time simply isn’t right for a relationship – perhaps you’re dealing with something emotional in your own life or you’re simply not over a previous relationship. Whatever the reason, sometimes it just isn’t the time for finding the right person, and that’s okay.

10 tips for finding the right person

How to find the right person is a question that has a different answer for everyone. These tips can help increase your odds of success:

  • Work on yourself. Being in a relationship is rewarding but is also hard work. It’s important to know who you are and the sort of friend and partner you yourself would like to have. You want to be someone ready to commit when you finally find the right person.
  • Get some hobbies. It’s great to enjoy going out to the bar or watching television, but what else excites you? Step out of your comfort zone so you have more to discuss and do with potential partners.
  • Use your dealbreakers to help guide your search. Answer the question what’s important to you in a relationship. If you don’t want kids, don’t want to date a smoker or only want to date people with similar political values, make sure you let your partner know early so they don’t invest too much time in an incompatible match.
  • Expand your range. Many times, it takes a while for a connection to build; it’s important to give it a chance. Tip: give each potential partner three dates before calling it quits and thing about changing your dating preferences on your profile to see who you’ll find.
  • Put your best foot forward. Basic hygiene and a nice outfit will go a long way on first dates and when your relationship progresses.
  • Decide what you want. Not all relationships are alike, and that’s fine – the important thing is that yours works for you and your partner.
  • When it comes to online dating, take advantage of your profile which gives your first impression to matches. Make sure your photos represent you and use your profile to let people know what kind of relationship you’re looking for… and what kind of partner you’ll be.
  • Be yourself. When you find the right person, they’ll love and value you for you, which is why it’s important to show any potential partners the real you, right from the beginning.
  • Honesty is key. Keep it real about any flaws or shortcomings. Nobody’s perfect, but relationships work better when both people are honest with and about themselves.
  • Let it go. One of the worst things you can do when it comes to finding the right person is to get so wrapped up in looking for them that you ignore the rest of your life. Focus on yourself, your work, your family and your friendships, and the right person will show up when it’s time.

Guidelines for finding the right person

It’s not often acknowledged, but just like many other parts of life dating also has stages. Each stage is different, and you should ask the question of whether the person you’re dating is right for you at each stage.

Stage 1: First contact (online dating)

This is the very first stage of a relationship, after you’ve seen something that piqued your interest enough to say hello (or respond when they did). In this stage, you’re getting to know each other and feeling each other out to see if there’s potential.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Am I having fun chatting with them?
  • Are they being attentive without going overboard?
  • Do I want to get to know them better?

Stage 2: After the first date

The first important milestone has been met: you’ve met in person, for an actual date. Hopefully, it’s gone well!

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Was there chemistry?
  • How did my date treat me and other people we interacted with?
  • Did they pay attention to me rather than their phone?

Stage 3: After you’ve been dating a while

You are a good deal closer to your desire to find the right one. Your relationship has gone from the euphoria of the honeymoon period to something a little more solid. While not everything is as exciting as in Stage 2, you should still be excited to see your partner.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Do my partner and I have similar values?
  • Do we know our goals as a couple, and are we on the same page about getting there?

Stage 4: When you’re in a committed relationship

This is the serious, definitely-exclusive-possibly-living-together-or-maybe-even-engaged stage. By this time, you both have a serious destination in mind and are reasonably on the same page on how to get there.

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Do I feel loved and valued in my relationship?
  • Does my partner still do romantic things for me?
  • Can I see this being a meaningful relationship?

Loyalty in a relationship

We’re often told that loyalty is a key aspect of any healthy, successful relationship. But what precisely is loyalty, and what does it look like? We’ll look at the meaning of loyalty in a relationship, the signs, and how to strengthen the trust and faithfulness in your relationship.

Finding the right person is a journey, but it’s worth it

Finding the right person and knowing when you’ve found the right person can be difficult but with patience and persistence, it’s possible. One way to make the search for of a partner easier? Signing up with eharmony. Our large dating pool of singles is looking for a serious relationship, and our unique Compatibility Matching System means you’ll be directed to people who share your values. So, sign up for eharmony and get started on finding the right person today!

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