If you’re single, you’ve likely heard it all: every bad piece of dating advice out there. Here’s my list of the worst advice. Sadly, it’s also pretty common dating advice.
Use at your own peril.
1. Play hard to get.
Related: Don’t be too available; keep her waiting; never accept a last-minute date; and play mind games to keep him/her interested.
Nothing beats a straightforward approach to dating. Matters of the heart are complicated enough without intentionally adding twists and turns. If you like her, ask her out. If you like him, say yes.
2. Just get out there.
Where? If anyone knows where “there” is, let us know.
Blaming a person’s singleness on their lack of “out there-ness” is rarely helpful. Instead, encourage your single friends to fully engage in the things they love, invest in the friendships they already have, and to enjoy life to the fullest without worrying if they’re spending their free time in the most strategic of places or doing the things that will land them a partner.
Instead of the vague “just get out there,” the dating advice should be “just do what you love and be open to new opportunities.”
3. You’ll meet someone when you least expect it.
There are no guaranteed cause-and-effects in love. (And trying to pretend you don’t expect love in order to trick the universe into handing it to you on a silver platter is just an exhausting exercise in futility.) If you want to meet someone, ask your friends to set you up on a blind date, join eharmony, or sign up for that local singles’ event.
4. Wait three days to call her.
Related: Don’t talk about God, sex or politics on the first date.
Who wrote these rules anyway? If you want to call her, call her. If your first-date conversation organically leads to big topics, don’t awkwardly cut him off just for the sake of the dating rulebook. When you’re being yourself — which is always the best dating advice you can follow — you might end up breaking a few of the “rules.”
There are plenty of people in successful long-term relationships that can boast navigating those early dates on their own terms. (Some of them didn’t even wait 20 minutes to call their crush, let alone a mind-numbingly-long three days.)
5. Be a bit of a jerk. The ladies like bad boys.
Related: Women, never make the first move.
Don’t try to be someone you’re not just to win over a crush. It may seem that the women you know frequently fall for “bad boys,” but to try to be a jerk for the sake of finding love is completely counterintuitive and potentially harmful. Women want men who are respectful, confident, and aren’t pushovers. They don’t want jerks.
And women, if it’s in your nature to make that first move, go for it. Be yourself. Kiss him.
Isn’t it better to be rejected for being you than to be accepted for being a fraud? Be confident in who you are so that when the right person comes along, he/she can appreciate the real you.