Woman smiles at man as example of good conversation starter with women
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Effective Conversation Starters with Women

by eharmony Editorial Team - November 22, 2023

Thinking of the perfect first text to send can be the source of a lot of overthinking, choosing the right words to make an impression and keep the conversation going.  

Women are oftenmore selective in online dating and may receive far more messages than they send. So it’s important to have a plan, and some sound conversation starters with women can go a long way.  

While these are good ways to break the ice with someone of any gender identity or sexual preference, let’s look at some effective ways of approaching somone you like the look of. However, it’s important to remember that sentiments and values differ in individuals. 

How to talk to a woman online

Women who use online dating tend to get a lot of messages and experience a much higher response rate, according to a university study1. This can lead to a lower response rate as they can afford to respond to only the most interesting.

When figuring out how to talk to women on dating apps, you want to stand out  from the get-go, so the first message is key. Try to come across as interesting and fun but  to also keep your messages respectful. Women are routinely harassed online and are unlikley to look favourably on inappropriate messages. But when coming up with conversation starters with women, it’s important to also stay true to yourself, as that’s the person they’re going to end up meeting.  

Good conversation topics for women to respond to

It’s often not difficult to find interests in common. Here are some good general topics and message examples to start with, although you should be guided by their profile.  


Finding shared tastes in music can help create an immediate sense of connection. 

  • “What was your favorite live music experience?”  
  •  “What’s your desert island playlist?’ 


Not everyone has pets but those who do tend to be enthusiastic about talking about them. 

  • “Your cat is too adorable! I hope they like new people (and their owner does too).”  

Goals and dreams

In terms of conversation starters with women, everyone likes to talk about where they see their life going.  

  • “What is something you’ve always wanted to do but never had the time for?”  
  • “If wanted to be your dream partner, how could I make the cut?”  


Travel and holidays mark the highlight of many people’s lives so they have positive associations.  

  • “I love your pictures in Machu Picchu. Which trail did you take up?”  

Using experiences as conversation starters with women

Most women you talk to will have had their share of funny and strange stories about dating life and it can make you seem different from them.   

  • “What’s the worst pickup line you’ve ever gotten on this app?”  
  • “Where’s the strangest place you’ve been taken on a date?”  

Examples of conversation starters with women

When writing your first message to a woman online, it should be creative and attention-grabbing, while avoiding controversial topics, to stand out. The message should also be open-ended to get the conversation flowing.  

Here are some more questions:

Personal questions

If you’re wondering how to talk to a woman online, ask her about herself. This shows interest and helps create a personal connection: 

  • “What is something about you that most people don’t know?”  

Random questions

Random messages show off your creativity and help differentiate you from the rest of their inbox. 

  • “What food that they don’t sell anymore that you miss the most?”  
  • “Finish this sentence: there are two kinds of people in this world…” 

Deep questions

Not everyone is into small talk so sometimes going deep can be refreshing. 

  • “Do you ever find it weird that media about the apocalypse like The Last of Us are so popular these days?” 
  • “What’s something that keeps you up at night?” 

Though-provoking questions

Don’t be afraid to intellectually challenge those you meetonline. It can lead to interesting conversations. 

  • “If you had the choice to live forever, would you take it?” 

Fun questions

These highlight your humorous side and keeps your interaction engaging and light-hearted. 

  • “So are you gonna say yes to coffee or do I have to lie to my diary?” 
  • “Forget hovercrafts. What are you most disappointed hasn’t been invented yet?”  
Girl looks amazed and raises hands in the air as a symbol of questions that you can ask a girl

Questions to ask a girl

Whatever the situation, coming up with the right questions to ask a girl can be daunting – which is why we’ve compiled 70 good ones you can use in a variety of situations.

Using good conversation starters with women to find the right one

While being engaging, vulnerable, showing interest and being good-humored are all great things to consider in conversation starters with women, these qualities will also stand you in good stead on your first date and even years into your relationship. So when looking at how to start a conversation on a dating app remember it’s just a conversation. Put yourself in their shoes and let that guide your approach.   

You can start today. Find authentic and interesting connections  on eharmony. Sign up now.  

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