How to Go From Text Pals to an Actual Date


texting and dating rulesAt Dating with Dignity, we believe texting can be an effective way to communicate and begin to bond with someone you’ve just begun dating. But when utilized too heavily before the first date, texting can cause the relationship to stall in a faceless comfort zone, especially if the guy in question is a little timid about making the first move.

This conundrum is a common one in this day and age, so I’m here to help you out with four tips for steering your constant chatting to an actual face-to-face date!

1. Make Sure You’re on the Same Page

Before you embark on your quest to turn your text friend into a boyfriend, make sure you’re clear about his intentions. If you met each other through a mutual friend, get a read on the guy’s history and current situation. Depending on your comfort level with this said friend, you can even straight up ask whether or not he’s expressed an interest in you romantically.

If the guy you’re texting with approached you and asked for your number independent of any mutual connections or a group social situation, you’ve got your answer: it’s on. If you met him online, on the surface it seems you both have mutual goals; face-to-face interaction to determine if the connection is worthy of pursuing.

2. Flirt Like You Mean It

Once you’re sure the interest is mutual, you’ve got the green light to get flirty. Try to sneak in as many flirtatious comments as you can without being overtly sexual. Remember, men are actually thinking about what YOU think of them. He doesn’t want to come across as too assertive, he doesn’t want you to think he’s a creepy stalker, and he doesn’t want to get kicked into the friend zone. Your flirtatious encouragement could be just the nudge he needs to confirm you’re interested in more than just a digital conversation.

Make sure to avoid conversations that are focused on how busy you are. And, remember this is not a professional relationship. Texts such as “Thanks for your text, Todd. I’m also looking forward to tomorrow’s meeting” are NOT hot. Even though it may be out of your comfort zone, opt for something a little more feminine and open such as, “Hey Todd! Love the hike idea and am excited for a little walk and talk in the woods!”

3. Don’t Reveal Too Much

Try not to share too much personal information about yourself as you chat, or you won’t leave him with any incentive to get to know you better in person. Texting is not the forum to have an actual conversation. Save it for brief “thinking of you” interactions and a sharing of information and/or logistics only — especially if you’re in the beginning stages of courtship.

If he’s incessantly asking you questions, you can even leverage one of them as a call to action (i.e., “That’s something I’d love to tell you more about in person” or “This one is better suited to a real convo. Call me tonight. I’m around between 7-9.”).

4. Steer the Conversation Toward Activities

The more you discuss activities both of you enjoy as opposed to less tangible conversation topics, the more likely your conversation will lead to a date. If you find the conversations are getting a little too existential, find a natural opener to steer the conversation toward something more activity-oriented. Once you get talking about something you both enjoy doing, the natural progression is for him to suggest you enjoy it together!

Discover how you can manifest authentic relationships and happiness with the latest dating advice from renowned dating coach Marni Battista.

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