Dating more than one person at a time may sound a little overwhelming, but it’s actually one of the best ways to find the right match for you. When you date only one person, it’s easy to get emotionally attached quickly. Remember — it’s hard to detach once you have already gotten attached! When you start to detect personality traits or behaviors that make you uncomfortable or turn you off, you are more likely to stick with that person and settle for less because that’s the only relationship you have. But if you date two people at the same time, you will be more careful and less likely to settle because you haven’t put all your romantic eggs in one basket. Is it easy to do, dating two people at the same time? No, but it is possible and you can enjoy the experience if you follow a few simple rule
1) Be honest with your dates about what you’re doing.
You don’t have to tell one of your dates the name, address, and physical stats of the other person you’re seeing. But you should tell every person you start dating that you want to start the relationship slowly and casually. If your date asks if you are seeing anyone else, tell the truth. Say, “I am not serious with anyone else but I am open to casually dating.” If the conversation comes up, also make sure to say that you are fine with your date casually seeing others, too. The goal, after all, is to make sure that everyone finds the most compatible partner for them.
2) Don’t schedule the two people you’re dating for the same day or night.
If you’re out with someone, don’t leave that person early evening to go meet up with your other date! The person you leave will be suspicious and may feel like you chose the later date over the earlier one, and you will lose trust with both of them quickly. Schedule your dates on different days or nights out of respect for the two people you’re seeing, and to keep things as simple as possible for you. It can be too confusing to share a kiss with someone one hour, and then to be kissing someone else a few hours later. While that scenario may sound appealing or exciting to some, “double booking” dates almost always backfires by causing both relationships to end.
3) Don’t pressure yourself to decide which person you like more.
You don’t actually need to make a formal decision about which person you like most. Inevitably, as you get to know both individuals, you will find yourself gravitating more toward one than the other. One of the relationships will usually fizzle out once you spend more time together and realize that you’re not compatible due to differing personal interests, senses of humor, and so forth. In other words, when you’re dating two people at the same time, focus on going with the flow and not thinking too much. Thinking too much will make dating two people stressful and awkward. Enjoy your time with both of your dates and relax.
4) Don’t mix your friends too frequently with different people you’re dating.
While it may be fine for you to date two different people at the same time, it can be a little a confusing for your best friends. If you bring one of your dates to brunch with a friend one week, and bring the other date to brunch the next week, your friend is going to feel uncomfortable getting to know both of them. When you are dating two people at the same time, spend most of your time with each person where it’s just the two of you. Once you find the one who fits best with you, it’s safe to incorporate that person into your existing social life without causing unnecessary drama.
Overall, dating casually in the very beginning – say, the first couple of months – is the healthiest approach to finding a good relationship. Dating two people at the same time reduces the emotional intensity you feel for any one individual, which means that you will be more cautious in settling down with anyone.
About the Author:
Dr. Seth is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, Psychology Today blogger, and TV guest expert. He practices in Los Angeles and treats a wide range of issues and disorders and specializes in relationships, parenting, and addiction. He has had extensive training in conducting couples therapy and is the author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve