How To Choose Between Two Guys: Eight Questions To Help Cut Through The Confusion
Having more than one guy interested in you is a great setup for a romcom or a YA novel… but when it comes to real life romance, figuring out how to choose between two guys isn’t quite as much fun. If you find yourself in a situation that involves choosing between two guys, don’t beat yourself up – given that dating several people at once is becoming more and more common, it’s a situation almost everyone is bound to find themselves in at least once.
While polyamory is one solution to the problem of how to choose between two guys, it’s not for everyone. Figuring out how to pick between two guys isn’t easy at all – in this article we’ll look at eight questions to ask yourself before you make a decision.
How to choose between two guys: eight questions to ask
If you’re wondering, ‘I like two guys, how do I choose?’, going over the questions in this list will hopefully give you some clarity.
1. What do your prospective partners want out of the relationship?
Not everyone wants the same things out of a relationship, and that’s fine! What’s important is that both of you are on the same page about it. One of your dates might be looking for something serious, while the other might want to just date casually – knowing what they want is a key part of how to choose between two guys.
TIP: While you could look for signs he isn’t in to you, the best way to know what someone wants in a relationship is to just ask.
2. What do you want?
Regardless of what any partners want, it’s important to be clear about what you’re looking for in a relationship. Do you want something casual, or are you at a stage in your life when a committed relationship is more appealing? Do you want kids, or is the child-free life more appealing? Do you want to settle down, or would you rather travel? Do you know what your relationship deal-breakers are?
TIP: If you’re not sure what you want out of a relationship, it may help to have a look at our “Finding yourself” section.
3. How do you feel when you’re with each of them?
Does the guy you’re with make you feel like a better version of yourself, or do you find that you’re making yourself smaller to win his approval? Is he supportive of your dreams and goals, or does he think they should be subordinate to his? Does he make you feel wanted, in bed and out? If either of the guys you’re dating put you down or make you feel less than, dump them immediately – you deserve better.
TIP: If you’re having trouble with how to decide between two guys, journaling your dates can help you clarify how spending time with each of your potential partners makes you feel.
4. What do your friends and family think?
While you shouldn’t keep or ditch a guy just because your friends or family don’t like him, the opinions of the people you love can be an important factor when you’re deciding how to choose between two guys. Since they’re not the ones with the crush, your friends and family might be more objective about the good (and bad!) qualities of the men you’re seeing, so it’s definitely worth it to ask their opinions.
TIP: Ask more than one friend or family members, if that’s an option that’s available to you. If all of them have similar opinions, you know he’s a keeper (or it’s time to cut him off.)
5. How sexually compatible are you?
While not all relationships are sexual right off the bat, sex is an important part of life – and relationships – for the vast majority of people. That said, don’t just think about compatibility in the bedroom; also consider who’s more considerate of your needs, and who’s more willing to talk about sex even if it’s awkward.
TIP: Reading one of the many excellent sex education books available these days makes for a great litmus test, not to mention potentially a great date.
6. How does everyday life look with each of them?
While dates are a great way to see if you’re initially compatible, the vast majority of a serious relationship isn’t spent on dates (alas!) but on the normal routines of everyday life. If you’re asking yourself, ‘what to do when I’m confused between two guys,’ take a moment and imagine grocery shopping or doing laundry with them. These everyday interactions will tell you a lot about their character, which in turn might help you choose who you’d rather pursue a more serious relationship with.
TIP: Go on a not-date date – like grocery shopping or doing laundry – with both guys. Who makes the experience more fun is a good indicator of who you should pick.
7. Who puts more effort into the relationship?
There’s an element of truth to ‘you snooze, you lose.’ While you should be wary of guys who move excessively fast early in the relationship, if a guy wants you, he’ll do the work. Pay attention to who notices the small things – does he remember how you take your coffee? Is he willing to do things you like rather than expecting you to accede to his wishes all the time? Remember that you deserve to be treated like you’re special and choose the guy who actually treat you that way.
TIP: See if he’s interested in what you’re interested in, even if it’s not in his wheelhouse.
8. What does your gut say?
Sometimes, our intuition knows before we do. When it comes to how to choose between two people you love, sometimes your heart has already made the decision – in that case, it’s best to listen.
TIP: Toss a coin; the result (especially if it’s not the guy you were hoping for) can be illuminating.
Choosing between two guys doesn’t have to be hard
When it comes to how to choose between two guys, remember to prioritize your own needs and feelings, and then see which of your prospective partners best fits the plan you have for your life. If none of the current ones do, that’s when you can turn to eharmony – our scientific matching system pairs you with eligible singles who share your values and take dating as seriously as you do. Sign up for eharmony and take the first step to a serious relationship today.