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Is Unconditional Love Ideal? Ways to Know If You’ve Found It

by Eharmony Editorial Team - May 14, 2021

Receiving unconditional love from someone is a great feeling. It involves selfless love and complete acceptance. You will easily open up to someone – you feel comfortable and secure around them.  Have you experienced this feeling? Or, do you think it is impossible to love without boundaries? If you believe that, in this conditional world, to love unconditionally implies living in the world of illusion, then read on what makes this love los special, which signs and what risks are accompanied.

The difference between conditional and unconditional love

Conditional love is being with someone whom you think is your ideal partner – you tend to think of physical, psychological, emotional, economic, and various other needs. There are some terms and restrictions involved. This kind of love though involves affection, it is selfish at times. Forgiveness and acceptance do not come easily. In short, when we love someone conditionally, we want them to act and think in ways that fit our expectations.

Unconditional love is all about selflessness, acceptance, and forgiveness. You don’t consider the benefits or keep the score of the favors. It does not associate with outward appearances. You support your partner and be there for them at all times. The love doesn’t go away even when circumstances are difficult. It is a path that leads to an ultimate union of two different individuals with similar life goals.

Love Unconditionally – Practicing selfless love

So, what is unconditional love and what are the qualities of selfless love? When you can love without reservations, accept faults without judgment, care about the happiness of the other person and do everything to help that person feel good without expecting anything in return, then you have practiced selfless love.

5 signs of unconditional love in a romantic relationship

  1. They are protective and take care of you at all times: A supportive partner always has your back. It’s a sign of a healthy relationship if partners can totally rely on each other. Your partner will take care of all your needs. They will be protective but not possessive or jealous. They will always encourage you to work toward your goals and have a life outside of your relationship. Your little accomplishments are recognized and appreciated. In short, they are with you in sickness and health, and in good times and bad.
  2. You can open up to them and share your vulnerabilities and vice versa: When love has no conditions or restrictions, it is easy to open up. It is easy to be yourself in front of your partner. The relationship feels intimate, deep, and safe. You know each other inside and out. You share everything- even those icky, insecure things you hate sharing.
  3. They Prioritize you and keeps your needs above theirs: Have a compassionate partner who puts your needs before theirs? It doesn’t mean, they have to sacrifice or compromise every single time. If there is great understanding, mutual trust, respect, and balance, it means the love is true.
  4. Disagreements do not lead to resentments: Conflicts are common in any relationship, but if you can communicate your opinions without fear, find a middle ground whenever necessary, and if you two can resolve issues in a mature manner, it only means there is real love without any terms or conditions.
  5. They accept, forgive and move on: It does not mean your partner will never be mad at you. Your partner will forgive you and move on from it. They won’t judge you for your actions, or they won’t try to change you. They focus on your positive aspects and accept you as you are. 

Dangers of unconditional love

It is not love, if only one person is being responsible, compromising, or forgiving. It becomes dangerous when one is blinded by love and dedicates everything to a relationship. Below are three huge risks of love without boundaries.

It will make your partner lazy

There is nothing wrong with being a giver. But in a healthy, balanced relationship you should be getting just as much as you give. If you are the only one putting in all the effort, it will make your partner lazy. They tend to stop caring and lose interest, and the spark eventually dies.

You will feel emotionally exhausted

If you are over-giving in a relationship, being tirelessly accepting, complying with every request, apologizing even for things you didn’t do, and always putting your partner’s needs ahead regardless of whether your needs are being met, you are likely to feel emotionally exhausted.

It can diminish your identity and destroy your peace

If you allow your partner to walk over your feelings, or give up your happiness, independence, passions, and dreams for the sake of love, you will lose your identity eventually. It can leave you feeling unworthy and unsure of yourself. If you invest way too much in a relationship and adjust to all situations and never openly communicate your discomfort, you will be taken for granted. Love does not mean you should accept disrespect, infidelity, abuse, or other problems that you cannot tolerate.

Why honoring boundaries is important? 5 vital tips

Setting some boundaries will help in establishing relationships that are caring and mutually respectful – it paves a way for healthy unconditional love. Here are useful tips for being responsive to your partner’s needs while also affirming your needs and longings.

  • Communicate clearly: Boundaries can be emotional, financial, sexual, or even digital and they need to be communicated at some point in the relationship. Start with something that is not so overwhelming and name your limits.
  • Create healthy space: Discuss how much time you need with yourself, friends, or family and how much time you want to spend together.
  • Honor your feelings: Discuss the importance of your goals and dreams. Don’t give up your identity, self-respect, self-esteem, your freedom of choice, and financial independence for the sake of love.
  • Discuss your sexual boundaries: Talk about what is comfortable and what isn’t. Clarify what you are willing to do and what you are willing to try in an honest way. Sexual boundary violation isn’t just unhealthy, it’s abuse. Talking about it is often the key.
  • Set social media boundaries: Have a conversation about sharing passwords of your gadgets and accounts. Set some limits you both agree to. If sharing feelings and being with your partner is more important to you than posting a happy picture on Instagram, say it clearly to your partner. Share your concerns directly to them, rather than invading their social media accounts.

Experience unconditional love in a noble way with eharmony

When you practice communicating in a non-defensive manner, when you are being attentive and attuned even while you are setting boundaries, and when you don’t allow the little setbacks to override your peace, true love is not hard to achieve. Remember, romantic relationships need time and effort to thrive, it can’t be rushed into. If you want to find a compatible partner and looking for love that is meaningful try eharmony. With 20+ years of experience, eharmony has a massive track record of success and happy couples to its credit. Join today, and find love that is unconditional with the help of eharmony’s scientific algorithms.


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