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What To Do When A Man Won’t Open Up

Have you ever just sensed that something was off with your man, but you didn’t know what? Of course, he wouldn’t talk to you about it or tell you. He was just quiet and withdrawn.

Trying to figure out what your man is thinking can be maddening. So what can a woman do to avoid a “Withdrawal Response” in the first place? And how can a woman deal with this unfortunately common situation in a healthy way and get back to an open, loving place together?

Step 1: Identify His Triggers

You might notice a pattern to his withdrawal, if you pay close attention. When does your man tend to clam up? Is it when work gets hectic? Is it during rough times financially? Is it when he doesn’t know how to answer you?

Your first, and most important step, is getting him to address this for himself if it’s a real and recurring issue. That way you don’t have to take it on. What helps with this is identifying WHAT it is that triggers his withdrawal response in the first place, and then simply pointing it out to him.

When you understand what triggers a man to withdraw, you can avoid being caught off guard or get carried away wondering what’s going on. Just knowing more about how and when a man withdraws will keep you and your relationship in a better emotional state.

Step Two: Separate Stimulus from Response

The definition of being OUT OF CONTROL in your life is when you allow anything outside yourself to control your inner emotional state. If you let a man’s emotional state determine how you feel and act…then you’re allowing yourself to become out of control.

Sometimes a man’s negative or distant emotional state is not about you. If a man acts distant, but you otherwise have a loving relationship you’re confident about, it might just be that he needs that time to himself to unwind. If you make the mistake of taking this personally, and make negative meaning out of his emotional state, it’s going to lead to conflict and put you in a REACTIVE mode.

On the other hand…if you choose to not take his distance personally, and allow a man some temporary space, something amazing can happen. Knowing that he’s free to take some space, a man will often end up opening up more than he ever has before.

Step Three: Use “Non-Situational Honesty”

It’s up to you to let the man in your life know what your ideal relationship is, and how you want to communicate. Sharing what you value, and what you need to feel good in your relationship, couldn’t be more important. The problem is we often times get into relationships before we ever really discuss or share what it is we REALLY WANT.

*Hint: Talking about what you want with a man by continually pointing out how he’s NOT giving you what you want is likely to never help you get to where you want to be.

The best way to create a shift in your relationship, and to open up better communication, starts with a simple tool I call “Non-Situational Honesty.” This is where your communication isn’t coming from the place where you’ve been emotionally “triggered” by something painful or negative, but where you’re simply honest about the positive things you want in the future.

If you can remove this “triggered” energy from behind your words, and instead talk about what you DO WANT, rather than WHAT YOU DON’T WANT that isn’t working…you’ll be amazed at the different response you get from a man. If you want a man to open up…stop, take a deep breath, and visualize the positive outcome you want in your relationship and with your man. If you can do this, everything else will start to fall into place.

I’ll talk with you again soon, and best of luck in Life and Love.

Your Friend,

Christian Carter

Author, Catch Him & Keep Him

This article was written by a site sponsor. eHarmony does not necessarily share or endorse the views expressed in the article, but eHarmony does welcome different perspectives on relationships from sponsors and users alike. Please share your comments below and on our message boards.