You and your partner were drawn together for many reasons–physical attraction, common interests, and more. For weeks and maybe months, the two of you got better acquainted, got closer, and everything looked positive.
But now you’ve started to sense and pick up small clues that he or she is losing interest. That person might be backing away from the relationship or looking for a change. If you are left wondering what to do, start here:
1. Resist the urge to be a mind reader. You might want to read into every little comment or gesture to gauge your partner’s interest level, but you can’t know for sure what’s going on inside another person’s head. Ever.
2. Consider if this is a period of temporary confusion. Emotions are fickle, and every relationship goes through ups and downs. This might be a matter of short-term uncertainty while evaluating feelings and your future together.
3. Try fanning the flames. Maybe the relationship has grown a bit stale and predictable. An infusion of excitement and freshness might bring sparks back.
4. Beware of overreacting. When a lover starts to feel distant, it can trigger all of our insecurities. Emotional upheavals and dramatic scenes will confuse matters even more.
5. Determine how long you are willing to put up with uncertainty. It’s up to you to pinpoint how long you’re willing to wait and see if the other person is really losing interest.
6. Be careful not to become overly responsible. Choose not to feel as if you have done something wrong or that it’s up to you to “fix” the situation.
7. Back off. See what happens when you intentionally allow for space. Your partner just might regain interest.
8. Don’t play games or manipulate. You might want to show your partner that you’re losing interest too—just to make a point–but ploys are never healthy and never resolve anything.
9. Ask direct questions. If you suspect someone is losing interest, remember that you are entitled to an honest response.
10. Seek clarity. You can say, “I’m not sure where you’re at emotionally right now. Please enlighten me.”
11. Re-assess your own level of interest. It’s possible that the relationship is cooling off, and you’ve both been staving off an inevitable breakup.
12. Remember that you can’t control how another person feels. Your partner has his or her own emotions. You can influence another person’s feelings, but ultimately that person is responsible for them.
13. But you can control how you respond. You can choose to react in ways that honor yourself, hold boundaries, and communicate your needs.
14. Believe that your worth is not in question. Your value as an individual is not diminished one bit because someone seems to be losing interest.
15. Be prepared to move on. If your partner truly is losing interest, decide what it best for you and your future. You know there are lots of people who will take a big interest in you.