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The Right Way to a Man’s Heart

by Eharmony Editorial Team - December 5, 2011

We’ve all heard the line that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”  And sure, who doesn’t love a great meal, especially when someone cooks it for you?  But being a grea

We’ve all heard the line that “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.”  And sure, who doesn’t love a great meal, especially when someone cooks it for you?  But being a great cook, or a great homemaker, or a great anything is not what reaches deep into a man’s heart and makes you connect with him. He might admire you and respect you because of your talents; but in order for him to fall in love, something else needs to happen…  


When you’re not afraid to let a man see the “imperfect” parts of you, that’s when he can really open up to you and get close. Why? Because you’re allowing him to see that you’re human, just like him!  It intrigues him, it makes him want to know more, and, above all, it makes him feel SAFE enough to show you HIS not-so-perfect parts. This is when real intimacy and connection happens, and where you will create the space to receive all the love you want from a man. Let me tell you a little personal story that illustrates this…  


I have a horrible history of burning food. I gave up on cooking for a while, and then I decided to give it another try. I was diligent about it – scheduling cooking time, staying put in the kitchen, turning on the timer, sharpening my attention, and not burning anything. “I’m cured!” I think. Then one day, I was in the kitchen when my husband walked in. “I’m a cook! I’m not a menace,” I said, “I can do this!” And the ground turkey I cooked in the pan smelled very nice on my plate. And he says, alarm in his voice, “Did you burn something?” “No!” I look up at him in shock. “It smells like you burned something. Something’s burned.” “No, no!” I defend, going for the pan, picking it up to show him, feeling five years old and incompetent. “It’s just nicely brown, see?” I say forcefully, totally righteously. It’s his nose that’s wrong. “Well, it smells like something’s burned.” All of a sudden I get what I really feel. Yes, I’m five. I screw up my face and actually start letting everything out, crying. “But I didn’t burn it!” I wail. “I didn’t…” and I go all gooey, pan in my hand, miserable. And in that second, my husband does a 180.  His eyes go deep and very blue-green, he smiles so fast I’m taken aback, and he comes towards me, arms around me, “Ohhhhhhh,” he says. And that’s the end of it. “So, how’s your day?” he skips right to his next thought, and he’s standing right up against me, and we’re connected, and I leap from five-year-old to grownup, from lump to goddess.


At that very moment, I realized that the only person judging me and my ability to be a good partner was ME. This little incident meant nothing to him. Trying to be perfect wasn’t bringing him any closer to me – but showing him my supposed “imperfections” did. And by liking me better this way, he encourages me to rise to the ultimate test of any relationship: he inspires me to say that I like myself best when I’m with him.

So, the next time you think you need to show a man you’re mistake-proof, think again. Allow yourself to be vulnerable in his presence. Tap into what you’re really feeling, and don’t try to hide it. Let him see you don’t have it all together, all the time. Being brave enough to let him see your softer side is actually one of the strongest things you can do. When you let him see you this way, you’ll reach that soft spot right in his heart.


Rori teaches women how to attract the right man and have the kind of close, connected relationship they’ve dreamed of.  To learn specific ways to relate to a man – from the early stages of dating all the way through commitment – subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter.  You’ll discover a new, fun way to date that’s all about you, raises your self-esteem, and draws the right man to you effortlessly.