Do you think men don’t want to date smart women? Think again. They do, and it’s especially true of more mature men in their 40s, 50s and beyond. If you are smart, single and dating, I’m pretty sure this is the man you want to meet: the confident, interesting guy who knows what he wants and how to get it. This man has many achievements and leads a full life. Not only does he want his partner to be a smart and independent woman, he requires it.
The key word here is woman. One common complaint by men is that smart, successful women tend to be competitive on dates. Guys get that at work, and find no enjoyment in having it as any major part of their relationship. (Nor do you, I suppose.)
Whether you truly try to compete, or it’s merely his perception, that perception will bring an end to an otherwise good date faster than a big burp during dinner.
So if you want a smart man…listen up. Here are two ways to present yourself in a way that gets you what you want and leaves him feeling great.
1. Let him have his moment.
Picture this: You are on your first date with a new guy. He takes you to a nice restaurant and you have the best table. He tells you that he hosts large business meetings here so they take very good care of him. You smile, say “that’s nice” and proceed to tell him that you do the same thing with another restaurant in town, in fact last week you hosted a dinner with 20 of your top clients and it was a great success.
Maybe you were just sharing and showing him that you have things in common. Or maybe you thought he was bragging and you wanted to be sure he knew that you’re no slouch when it comes to being “connected” and appreciating the finer things. Doesn’t matter, because there’s a good chance you’ll never hear from him again. You see, his “bragging” was likely his attempt at impressing you. That’s what men do when they like you. That’s one of the best things about dating grown-up men — they try…if you let them.
As a woman in her 40s, 50s and beyond, it gets harder and harder for men to “wow” you. Let’s face it: you’ve seen and done a lot, and anything he offers you can probably do for yourself. If he doesn’t think he can please and impress you, he’s not likely to call for another date and he definitely won’t pick you as a partner. So instead of returning fire with your own brag, do this:
Share your story…just not yet. Simply receive his information and acknowledge it. Take a breath, smile, and give him his due appreciation. Tell him how cool that he has this connection, especially since it set you up to enjoy this lovely restaurant with him. You can tell him about your connections and clients later. He’s already happy to know you’re a woman who he can please and impress. Now it will be his turn to be impressed with you. Bingo!
2. Start with the enchanting stuff.
As the conversation continues, he asks you about your business. What do you do? You tell him you run/work for a company that helps large businesses with all their financial needs. The conversation then takes one of two paths: talk about his career or further talk about the financial needs of businesses. Hot date conversation indeed!
Men want to hear about your achievements and want to know that you can keep up, even surpass them, intellectually. But men deal with the alpha-side of women all day long. At home, they want a lover, not a colleague. If this man is going to drive home anxious to see you again, you don’t just want to stimulate his mind; you want to stimulate his spirit. If you doubt this, it might help you to know that studies men site “passion, compassion or caring” among the primary reasons they were attracted to their wife or partner. This is the feminine energy they crave.
Here’s exactly how to talk about your business or career:
Instead of starting by giving your title and listing your accomplishments, focus on why you chose your line of work and what you get out of it. My coaching client who owns this financial business now says this: I own a company that helps large businesses with all their financial needs and I enjoy it because every day I get to help people solve problems that have potential to impact them negatively in a huge way. I enjoy working with all of them and after all these years we are like family.
Do you see? When you add “because” it almost always brings out your feminine side. It’s likely you chose your career because you help people, get to be creative and/or enjoy your relationships with clients or co-workers. This is how you help him see this lovely side of you.
I hope you see that I’m not saying to shut up, smile sweetly and tell him how great he is. Some men want that, but not the ones you want. Share your accomplishments and the things you are proud of in your life, but do it in a way that lets him have his moments and see the whole you. Let him be your hero and imagine yourself as his queen – if even for just for a few moments.
All I have to do is look at my husband and the partners of countless women who are friends and clients and know that grown-up men want smart, accomplished women as lovers and wives. They just want the softer and supportive side of you in equal measure.
These are simple shifts in communication and with a little practice, I’m confident you’ll see how much it improves your connection and relationships with all the men in your life; especially the ones you’re trying to attract.
The payoff can be huge: the love and respect of a fabulous man. Practice with your brother or the men in your office, or try it on your next date. If you happen to be among the many of us who unknowingly turn off good men this way, I bet you see the positive results immediately. Let me know how it goes!
Are you ready to have some fun on your way to Finding The One? The men you want, and who want YOU are Online! I will show you the Must-Do’s and “Definitely Don’t Do That’s!” of online dating at my Get Online, Get Noticed and Meet Your Man workshop. I met my husband online and so can you. Learn more here and register.