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Emotional Attraction: Why it is the secret of lasting relationships

by eharmony Editorial Team - May 6, 2024

Emotional attraction is when you’re attracted to someone’s mind and soul – you spend time together, you’ve long conversations, you’ve shared values and beliefs, and you feel they “get you”.

You get emotionally attached when you find someone, who meets your needs for intimacy, companionship, validation, and is also trustworthy and supportive. According to our relationship expert Minaa B., emotional intimacy is a deep connection between two people that extent beyond physical attraction. It involves sharing emotions, thoughts, fears, hopes and practicing vulnerability with each other. Read on to know how to develop healthy and secure attachment styles in your romantic relationship.

Emotional attraction: An important aspect of a strong relationship

Love needs both emotional and physical attraction. All of us want to share happiness, sorrow, and life experiences with someone else. If love is based just on physical attraction, at some point you will begin to wonder if your relationship has a future. A deep friendship is also essential.

Why is emotional attraction important?

Our relationship expert Minaa B. says that emotional attraction in a relationship is important as it fosters trust, understanding, and a sense of belonging. It contributes to the overall health and satisfaction of the relationship, enhancing partners’ ability to navigate challenges together.

When you’re able to communicate easily with your partner, things flow effortlessly. It leads to meaningful relationships.

Real attraction – A combination of physical chemistry and emotional connection

When someone you’re physically attracted to is also kind to you, when they do little things to make you happy, when you can trust and confide in them, it is real attraction. They rely on you, ask for your opinions on things that are important to them, and you in turn feel worthy and regarded. You connect on a deeper level and it makes you feel secure.

An emotional connection can develop from something purely physical too and then evolve into a less superficial level, where you achieve both physical and emotional fulfillment.

Emotional attraction vs. physical attraction: What’s the difference?

Physical attraction happens instantly. It is impulsive and based mainly on appearance. Physical chemistry is generally the instant spark that you feel with someone. You meet someone, you get attracted to their looks, chivalry, confidence, or sense of humor. It is impulsive and you can’t wait to get closer to that person. It doesn’t necessarily lead to a lasting relationship.

Emotional attraction takes effort and time as all good things in life. You look beyond the physical features and are appreciative of their other aspects. You treat one another with respect, be honest with each other, form pleasant associations, place confidence in them and develop deep intimacy. You seek a meaningful, secure, and long-lasting connection.

While physical attraction diminishes with time, the emotional bond just grows stronger. Partners who are emotionally attached in a healthy way, feel safe, comfortable, happy, and even have the benefit of being vulnerable with each other.

How women get emotionally attached?

Finding emotional stability is very important for women. So, how to emotionally attract a woman? Of course, a sense of humor, manners, and communicating actively are important. Below are three points that help in creating an emotional bond.

1. Giving your undivided attention

Every woman wants to feel deeply seen and understood by someone in their life. If you want to be that someone, be present. Your attention and presence will always mean more than any present. Show genuine love and respect, women find it very attractive. Be consistent and reliable.

2. Having shared interests and experiences

Women are attracted to men who share their interests and life goals. When you two find a common ground, have similar beliefs and values, or have some shared experiences it is easy to develop a rapport.

3. A woman should always feel comfortable being vulnerable with you

Be a good listener. Women get emotionally attached to men with whom they can be vulnerable. Someone who does not judge them. Deep conversations, kindness, real commitment, and soulful caring are other essential factors women consider before committing to a relationship.

How does emotional attraction work for men?

So, how to attract a man? What do men want? We all know, men have a different way of looking at relationships than women. Contrary to the popular belief, physical intimacy is not the only route to emotionally connect with a man. Let’s see what triggers emotional attraction in men.

Before we look into the qualities that impress a man, remember, it is important to first date a man for who he is and not because he fits your ideology of perfection.

1. Open communication

Men are not good at reading minds. Say what you mean to say, and never talk too long or too much about yourselves. To deepen the connection, be a good listener, be open, and honest about yourself. Share your hopes, thoughts, dreams, and fears; show interest in his interests.

2. Being fully present

Be there for him at good times and at difficult times. Show affection when it seems most frightening, be supportive and caring. When you’re with friends, do not ignore him. Ensure to give him some attention and a lot of respect.

3. Ability to be passionate, kind, confident, and funny

Men are naturally attracted to women who are kind, loving, and caring. Sharing a sense of humor is also an attractive trait.  Making meaningful eye contact, showing genuine empathy, and having a positive attitude helps in building a strong bond. Knowing how to enjoy the moment and not worrying too much about the future is an aspect that men appreciate. So, keep things light and playful.

5 tips to deepen the emotional intimacy

  • Spend quality time together – Connect to your partner without being physical; let your partner know what you appreciate about him or her. Take the time to acknowledge the good in them.
  • Once in a while do something that makes your partner happy – Relationships require ongoing work and effort to be rewarding and fulfilling. Make time to do something meaningful to both of you.
  • Provide support – Listen actively when your partner is sharing his or her issues. Be compassionate, be there with them in good times, hard times, in happiness and sorrow.
  • Do not try to change your partner: Differences in outlook are common. But don’t try to force your ideas or beliefs. Don’t be manipulative to get things done your way. Helping them to stop their unhealthy habits is fine, but never try to change their personality.
  • Fight fairly – When love is real, so are the fights. So, don’t fear the conflict – don’t downplay or withdraw. Respond, but don’t react. If there is something that is bothering you, tell them without playing the blame game. Fighting and finding a solution will solidify your relationship. If you’re wrong, apologize. Those who fight fair are the ones who tend to stick together. 

Find the kind of emotional attraction you can’t deny on eharmony

If your relationship is energizing the totality of your life, is allowing you to be the best version of yourself, then be assured there is a real emotional attraction. However, if a feeling that something’s wrong persists, chances are your choice is probably wrong. Take time to consider your feelings, and when you are ready to date, try eharmony. The Compatibility Quiz and matching algorithm are backed by scientific research. Over the years, millions of people have found their ideal partner on our dating app. Get your digital subscription for true love today!

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