Who knows more about how and why a marriage falls apart than a divorce mediator? Those in this field have witnessed the breakdown of many unions, and now two of them are actually writing about it in a new book called Conscious Coupling – Positive Insights for Long-Lasting Relationships Shared by Two Divorce Mediators.
Don Desroches and Dana Greco (who’s also a licensed therapist) are hoping to shed some light on what makes a relationship start to veer off-course. Their goal is to save marriage, and keep families together. I asked them to list the biggest reasons both men and women ultimately leave their relationships. Here are their observations. I think we can learn a lot from these short lists.
6 Reasons Why Men Leave, by Don Desroches
1. They no longer feel the love. For example, when children come into the picture, men can sometimes feel neglected and vulnerable.
2. They no longer feel needed. Men are industrious and need to build, create, mend, and construct in order to feel valued.
3. When they feel like everything they do and say is wrong. Suddenly attention outside the relationship will feel great.
4. Sex becomes a rare occasion. Not only is it a biological need, but it’s also an important way for a man to feel emotionally connected to his partner.
5. A lack of connection and support. Without this, a man loses his ability to conquer the world.
6. If she cheats. It is extremely difficult for a man to recover from this. The same goes for emotional affairs.
6 Reasons Why Women Leave, by Dana Greco
1. If she feels abandoned emotionally. Women need to feel heard and appreciated.
2. If she can no longer trust him. If he has betrayed her, it’s possible she won’t be able to accept his love anymore.
3. When she feels she is not a priority in his life. In order for her to feel happy and secure in a relationship, she needs to know that they will put each other first.
4. If her friends think he isn’t good enough for her. Women take very seriously the opinions of their closest friends.
5. If she doesn’t feel loved, desired, and special. She will turn to someone who does make her feel this way.
6. If she loses pride and respect for him. A good relationship will always have mutual respect and pride.
About the Authors:
Don Desroches pulls together the material in this book from hundreds of experiences and stories while mediating divorces with partner Dana Greco, as part of his professional caseload, and from his personal experiences in marriage and relationships. Don made the decision with Dana to write this book to try to save marriages before they got to divorce. In addition to volunteering as a coach for over 20 years, Don has volunteered his time with many different organizations to help children and families.
Dana Greco is a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and certified mediator. She holds a master’s degree from Fordham University, a post-master’s certification from the Ackerman Institute for Family and Couples, and serves as an expert forensic clinician for new york’s Family and supreme courts. Dana has been a specialist family therapist with Memorial Sloan-Kettering in new york city, a social worker for the public school system, and has held numerous workshops for families in crisis.