Is it getting to the point where you need to have “the talk” with the guy you’re dating? Here, Christian Carter explains why trying to force a man into a commitment never works…and how to set things up right from the start so he’s the one asking you for exclusivity.
If a man hasn’t talked about being “exclusive” with you yet, then he is likely still casually dating. But you can set things up from the beginning of a relationship so that a man naturally wants a commitment from you and is the one asking you for exclusivity. Here’s how…
MAINTAIN YOUR POWER IN THE RELATIONSHIP
You never want to be in a situation where you are asking a man where you stand with him. Not only does this put you in a vulnerable position, but it assumes that he’s the one in control, and it will actually make him feel LESS attracted to you.
Men are simply not attracted to women who try and convince them to be in a more serious relationship with them. Instead, men are deeply and naturally attracted to women who live their lives and have certain “standards” when it comes to interacting with men. And one of the unspoken standards that is most attractive to a man is a woman who is what I call “selective.”
HOW BEING SELECTIVE MAKES HIM WANT ONLY YOU
When a man has an easy time having a woman fall for him, or a man sees a woman acting in a way that says she will not be okay without his love and commitment, then a man is turned off. He senses that the reason she wants to move forward is more about satisfying unmet emotional needs than about true connection and appreciation.
On the other hand, when a woman is selective about how and when she moves into a more serious and committed relationship, she’s coming from a place of inviting the man to be with her, but at the same time being clear that her life is going to continue forward and be full and rich no matter what a man does. This “attitude” is a subtle shift, but the response that a man will have to it will make all the difference. When a man senses that the woman he’s with is also carefully deciding whether or not she should CHOOSE HIM or not, suddenly a man will jump into the “space” that brings a more committed relationship together.
MAKING HIM THINK IT’S ALL HIS IDEA
So aside from having the right “attitude”, how do you show a man that you’re selective and draw him closer to you? You can do it by saying something as simple as: “It’s completely your right to date more than one woman at a time, but I want you to know that I’m looking for an exclusive relationship with the right person. So I just want to find out if we’re on the same page before taking things further.”
Notice that you’re not making any demands. You’re not displaying any of the neediness that men find unattractive. And you’re letting him know that you have standards that HE needs to meet before you decide to choose to be with him.
When you present your needs and boundaries like this, the right man will realize he’d be a fool to lose you. The right man will step up to the plate and ASK YOU for the commitment you’re after…and he’ll swell up thinking it was his idea all along and that he’s “won” you. If he doesn’t, you’ll know where you stand with him, and you can keep the door open for the man who is ready and able to create an amazing relationship with you.
Understanding attraction and how it works is absolutely critical if you want to create a connected, lasting relationship with a man. To learn more about the kind of woman a great guy is attracted to for the long term, subscribe to Christian’s free e-newsletter. He’ll tell you what makes a guy want to commit to you, and what you can do to get him there without any convincing or game playing.