Signs you scared her off — 9 clues and how to react

1. Bringing up Sex Too Soon

We know. Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship and sexual compatibility plays a vital role in building a long-term partnership. That’s all true, and it doesn’t matter. If you mention anything overtly sexual in your first few emails, phone calls, or dates, you’re going to be seen as a person who is fixated on sex and that creeps most women out.

You have to look at things from her perspective. She has met so many men who are only after sex. Dozens. Hundreds. The first thing she needs to filter out is those guys. Most women believe that discussions of a sexual nature are best left for when you know each other better and certainly not during an email exchange or coffee date.

2. Calling and Texting Her Too Much

You probably remember that scene from the movie Swingers. Poor Mike tries to call a woman and ask her out. Through a painful series of mishaps he calls again, and again, and again. Until she picks up the phone and says to him, “NEVER CALL ME AGAIN.”

In this case, it isn’t Mike’s fault. He had technical difficulties that pushed him to annoy this woman to death, but many men seem to believe that they can prove their interest by chasing a woman down – calling, texting, emailing, and following up on each unanswered message with more. Of course, a woman could be flattered by all this attention, but that’s never how it works. Instead, you’ll seem desperate, socially inept, insecure or impatient. Not a flattering picture.

3. Compliment-Overkill

“Did I tell you I love your outfit? And your hair? And those amazing eyes?” Um, yes, about ten times already buddy. Ladies do love a compliment — but try to limit them to just one or two per date. When you pour it on too thick, it comes across as disingenuous and maybe even a little suspect. You don’t want her thinking, “What is this guy after? Am I dealing with a potential stalker?”

4. Being a space invader

As a general rule, people like at least two feet of personal space between them and others. When two people go on a date that space becomes more negotiable. They aren’t strangers, after all. There’s at least some chance that they will end the night locked in a kiss. Who’s to say how much personal space is appropriate on a date, right? Wrong.

Early on, your date deserves the same personal space as a stranger. There’s something about assuming that you can move in close that women find so unappealing and creepy. Men are often confused about what makes a romantic date different than just hanging out with a friend. They feel some pressure to turn up the romance so they won’t get dumped in the friend category. This often leads to forcing things in an awkward way. It’s probably not a good idea to move into her personal space until you get some sign that she is interested in that. Your best bet is to create subtle opportunities and watch her body language. Please note the word “subtle.”

5. Mr Serious

It is nervewracking getting to know someone new, but the more you can try to be lighthearted about the whole situation, the better. After all, it’s only a date! Keep in mind that sense of humor ranks as number one in what most women look for in a partner, so if you are too stiff, serious, or negative she will likely be turned off.

6. Revealing an Odd Hobby or Interest Too Soon

Having an interest that is off-the-beaten-path can make a guy seem different and attractive. But if you’re going to discuss a hobby early on in a relationship you should be confident that it doesn’t make you seem odd in a disquieting way. For example, a woman here at eHarmony mentioned a very nice man who informed her on their first date that he collected dolls. Not Star Wars action figures, but rather baby dolls that little girls carry. Now, chances are he was a very nice man. But this woman just couldn’t get past the thought of a room full of children’s dolls, and that was the end of that.

Most women are looking for a relationship with someone they perceive to be normal – perhaps a little quirky, but not odd or strange. When you’re a woman and you’re considering falling in love and living your life with a person, it’s just so much more reassuring to not see activity that is far outside the fringe of typical pastimes.

7. Showing off

A big ego can be a real ladykiller…and not in a good way! The more you brag about how much you make or how many women find you intriguing — the less she will be interested. It is pretty easy to see when someone is overcompensating, so don’t try so hard. It sounds cliche, but just be you. If she likes you, great. If not, then there is someone out there who will.

8. Bad manners

It’s pretty dating 101, but we heard from many women that this has happened to them — recently! Besides things like belching, swearing or texting/talking on the phone during your date, ladies are taking note of how you treat others as well. The self-portrait you present to the world comes into vivid focus in the way you treat people, even those with whom you have only fleeting contact: cab drivers, restaurant servers, department store clerks. If you are disrespectful, you should rethink your approach. After all, if you’re rude to peripheral people, why should she expect any better from you?

9. Act like Cheapskate

Don’t bring coupons to the first date or parks 17 blocks away to avoid paying a $4 valet (or both). Now, there is nothing wrong with shopping for the best deal and being conservative with money. BUT if every activity is all about finding the stingiest alternative, nothing is ever fun.

Repeatedly counting change, stealing food from work or rationing toilet paper may seem quirky or sweet at first, but this behavior is indicative of future headaches, and is likely to send her looking for someone a bit less money-obsessed.

Q&A – Expert backed answers to your questions