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9 Ways to Write Better Messages and Land a First Date

By Ravid Yosef, Dating and Relationship Expert

Young brunette woman woking with notebook near a cup

When it comes to online dating, the shorter the better. A recent study determined that the most effective online dating messages were fewer than 100 characters.

This makes sense since we’re so used to communicating via text with everyone else in our lives. And really, who has time to read or compose long paragraphs to a total stranger?

For those of you looking to write messages that are likely to get a higher response rate and land a first date, follow my 9 tips below:

  1. Keep it short.

Keep it tweet-worthy … 140 characters or less in your first message will allow you to sink or swim. Instead of writing a lot in your opening message, focus your efforts on a thorough profile and photos that will help you get a response.

  1. Relate to their interest.

If you are truly interested in someone, take the time to read their profile and ask a question or make a statement related to their interests. What do you have in common? That’s what will make them more likely to respond.

  1. Don’t say ‘Hey’.

Simply saying “Hey” or “Hello” in your message will give you an 85% chance of not receiving a reply. So introduce yourself and at the least, ask the person how they are doing.

  1. Don’t compliment her looks.

While this seems like a harmless and flattering message to send, women are often turned off by messages about their appearance. Keep the compliments to a minimum and later in the conversation.

  1. Be efficient.

Continue by asking or sharing more about the things you have in common to increase your rapport and relatability, but keep your communication online brief. Don’t message one another for days, as texting and messaging for prolonged periods of time can build a false sense of connection and intimacy.

You’ll learn more about each other and your connection in 30 minutes of meeting one another in person than you ever will via messaging online.

  1. Take it into the real world.

After going back and forth, try to escalate the communication to the real world by simply saying, “I really think we have some things in common and I would love to get to know more about you. Would you mind exchanging phone numbers and talking on the phone?”

  1. Qualify them.

During your phone conversation, talk about what you’re looking for to be sure you’re on the same page. If you’re not, there’s no point in moving forward with a date and wasting each other’s time.

  1. Make a plan.

Once the phone conversation goes well, don’t keep things open ended. Pick an actual day, time, and activity to do together. Be specific in your plan and intent for a date in order to move things forward.

  1. Check in and Confirm.

Once plans are made, and depending on how far away the plans are, check in every other day or so with the person. Don’t overwhelm them with messages all day every day. Be sure to reconfirm your plans the morning of your date.

For some of you this approach may seem too fast. I have clients who tell me that they want to text with someone for weeks before planning a date just to be sure they’re “comfortable” with them.

In reality, you get the best version of a person through messaging, and you’ll never really know if you connect until you meet someone in person. Dating, after all, requires that you actually go out on dates, so go for it and see what’s possible for you.

 

About the Author:

Ravid Yosef is a Dating & Relationship coach living in Los Angeles. Adamant about sharing the lessons she learned about love and life after cancer, she established LoveLifeTBD.com, a personal blog in April of 2014 and has written over 100 advice articles. Her advice columns and personal essays have been featured on YourTango, Care, Women.com, Fox Magazine, Elite Daily, Thought Catalog, Psych Central, and many other online publications.


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