The New Leading Man: eharmony Unpacks Masculinity’s Impact on Dating Dynamics In 2024
What it means to be masculine today is so much more broad and inclusive than it was in the past, but between social stereotypes and expectations for a man to be a knight in shining armor, how does that play out in today’s dating world? In this edition of Dating Diaries, eharmony explores that question with brand new data directly from men (age 18+) and the GenZers and Millennials who date them, including insightful takes and tips from eharmony relationship experts.
Table of Contents
The Mixed Messages of Modern Masculinity
Between the various dating expectations shared on social media like wanting a #rodentboyfriend or a #maninfinance, to the pressures that come from romantic partners to change aspects of themselves or their lives, men are receiving mixed messages. So what exactly are they? Well, 25% of American men have felt pressure from a romantic partner to change their attitude, followed by their emotions (22%).
Additional things US men feel pressured to change due their partner
Things US men feel pressured to change due to social media
Conflicting expectations, combined with unfair traditional stereotypes (like being strong both physically and mentally) can create challenges for men trying to navigate dating and form authentic connections.
When men face these mixed messages, it can lead to confusion and insecurity, making it challenging to approach relationships with confidence and authenticity. This often results in a lack of vulnerability, preventing genuine connections from developing…
Todd Baratz LMHC, an eharmony relationship expert
While mixed messages can lead to confusion, surface-level deal breakers can not only impact male confidence, but also singles’ dating pool options: The #1 deal breaker for people who date men impacts short kings the most with 42% of Gen Z and 35% of Millennials saying they won’t date a man who is shorter than them. Laurel House, an eharmony relationship expert, weighs in on why deal breakers around someone’s appearance can negatively impact your dating pool.
By opening and expanding the spectrum of what is attractive, daters are dramatically increasing their options and opportunities for connection, relationships, and love.
According to House, we should be looking beyond superficial looks and focusing on who someone truly is, including their personality, priorities, values, lifestyle, and how they treat and make you feel. She adds, when it comes to a long-term enduring relationship, getting what you “need” from your partner will ultimately create a deeper sense of happiness than being with someone who physically aligns with your “type”.
Should You Wait for a Leading Man?
More often than not, men receive signals that they should take the lead with dating, including planning and paying for dates. And recently there’s been a rise in trending TikTok hashtags like #feminineenergy and #tradwives, suggesting that women expect to be chased and financially doted on, reinforcing a stereotypical belief in gender roles. But is waiting for men to take the lead realistic? Not really.
While American men are open to taking the lead when it comes to planning dates (31%), women are even more inclined to take on the task in a romantic relationship with men, including 49% of Gen Z women and 46% of Millennial women.
Making the first move shouldn’t be gender-specific. Everyone, regardless of gender, should feel empowered to initiate and engage in dating.
Todd Baratz LMHC, an eharmony relationship expert
But when it comes to paying the bill, American men are first to put their card down. Only 37% of Gen Zers who date men are open to paying for a first date.
Men Hesitant to Talk Mental Health Struggles
While American men listed mental health as a top struggle they face, less than a third (23%) of American men are open to having conversations about mental health in relationships. Meanwhile, 73% of Gen Z and 67% of Millennials who date men say it’s important for men to know that emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy.
The top struggles American men are facing right now
23%
Finances
14%
Mental Health
10%
Time for Self Care
Being open about your mental health not only strengthens your bond with your partner but is also an essential act of self-care. The better we care for ourselves, the better we can care for others.
Todd Baratz LMHC, an eharmony relationship expert
According to Baratz:
When men embrace fluidity, they can redefine their perception of masculinity, which leads to opportunities to be vulnerable, express their emotions, and find mutual support in relationships.
This empowers men to break free from traditional stereotypes, which opens up space to create more authentic, fulfilling connections with their partners. This also allows growing relationships to be rooted in genuine understanding and shared values.
A One Man Show…In The Bedroom
When it comes to the bedroom, American men have their own insecurities. More specifically, they are the most self conscious about their performance. The ability to give their partner an orgasm makes men the most self conscious (31%), followed by stamina (29%).
What makes American men self-conscious during sex?
31%
Ability to give their partner an orgasm
29%
Stamina
22%
Sex Drive
When it comes to the bedroom, people who date men want them to:
- Understand their sexual health: 55% of Gen Z and 51% of Millennials think it’s important for men to understand sexual health.
- Prioritize foreplay: 38% of Gen Z and 46% of Millennials want men to understand that they need foreplay.
- Be more fluid when it comes to positions in the bedroom: 38% of Gen Zers want men to understand that they don’t want to always bottom or top during physical intimacy.
So how can men put these insecurities to bed and make more room for mutual pleasure for themselves and prospective partners? An open dialogue with current or future partners might be the answer.
Everyone has sexual insecurities and anxieties because of the sex-negative and sex-phobic culture many of us have been raised in. It’s crucial to actively work through these anxieties and insecurities with your partner. Communication is key.
Todd Baratz LMHC, an eharmony relationship expert
So whether you date men or identify as one, unpacking perceptions about masculinity can help us navigate how we approach dating and the mixed messages we all face:
- Shoot your shot: No matter who you are making the first move shouldn’t be gender-specific
- Embrace the short king: Don’t let physical appearance “shorten” your dating pool!
- Get fluid: Fluid thinking opens up opportunities to be vulnerable, express yourself, and find mutual support in relationships!
- Communication leads to confidence: In and outside of the bedroom!
Methodology
Dating Diaries: The New Leading Man report was commissioned by eharmony and conducted by Harris Interactive. It was fielded online between July 4th and July 10th, 2024 and surveyed over 2,000 participants. Participants qualified if they were aged 18+ and were men or dating/in relationships with men. Results were weighted to be nationally representative.
