Being in on the inner workings of a service dedicated to helping people find love, it has occurred to me that there are two points that go hand and hand for any success in finding a relationship: patience and persistence. We live in a world of instant gratification. Television ads bombard us with the promise of all sorts of instantaneous results. However, when it comes to things as important as finding someone special, we tend to lose focus and forget it is a process that takes time. So how can one benefit from patience? How does persistence pay off?
“Those that have patience, can have what they will.”- Benjamin Franklin
In all important processes, there is a learning curve in figuring out what works and what doesn’t. It is not a perfect process and can be fraught with some amount of failures. It gets even more personal when we think of matters of the heart. And yet those who do succeed tend to discount those moments of failure and instead of asking why me, ask the question, “How can I make this work better?”
I was fortunate enough to be at a family function in Arizona recently when questions about my work at eHarmony dominated the conversation. I heard about many online experiences that revealed both the good and the bad. Ultimately, those who had painful experiences were not so quick to want to repeat them. I understood this point completely. However, much like the lottery, in order to win it, you have to be in it. I was grateful to be able to listen to those who could talk to me in a frank, direct manner. I was also happy to encourage others to not give up as the road to finding a good relationship will never happen overnight. Our expectations need to be realistic, but there is no reason not to be happy or stay positive while we try.
If you think about the aspects of those things you have learned and become good at, there was a learning curve. You did not give up. You succeeded in steps, and with those steps came the confidence that creates the motion to go forward. When things don’t work out correctly, it is good to reevaluate and move forward. We may not like those moments of rejection. However, those moments are what brings us to where we need to be.
“Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes: find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.”- Tony Robbins
Patience and persistence are our two allies in searching for someone special. It is not an easy road, but one that can come with great rewards. If you are not receiving the results you are looking for, gather a team of experts who know you best: family and friends. Ask for advice and consider all ideas. Half the fun of getting to your destination in life is the journey you choose to take.