If you’re feeling angry or frustrated with a man, you might think you need to hide these feelings…or you’ll lose him. But how you share these difficult emotions can actually be a great way to draw a man closer to you and create an even deeper connection with him. Here’s how.
When we feel angry or sad or frustrated with a man, our instinct is to try to hide those emotions and “play nice” so we don’t push him away or rock the boat. But trying to cover up or ignore these emotions can actually create distance in your relationship and prevent you from truly connecting with a man.
There’s a way to talk to a man that will not only get him to listen, it will inspire the right man for you to feel even more devoted to you. The key is to express your feelings in a non-judging, non-blaming way that gives him the chance to express his thoughts. Here’s how: you express what you feel, then you say what you don’t want, and then you ask him what he thinks. Let me break it down.
STEP 1: “I FEEL…”
If you’ve ever encountered resistance from a man when you share your feelings, think about whether you were actually sharing your feeling or whether you were making a judgement about his behavior or the situation.
Say he’s making a habit of being late. If you tell him, “Why aren’t you ever on time? It’s so unfair of you to make me wait,” he’ll just shut down. He can’t hear you past this because he feels blamed, criticized, and wrong.
Instead, focus on the actual feeling you are experiencing:
“I feel really weird talking about this, and I don’t like feeling angry about such a small thing as “time”, but I feel crummy when I’m waiting for someone.”
Notice how you’re not directly making him responsible for your feelings. You are letting him know exactly what’s going on with you without blaming him. He won’t feel the need to get defensive, and he’ll be able to listen to what you want to say next…
STEP 2: “I DON’T WANT”
When we’re angry or upset with a man, it’s natural to want to tell him what we want him to do about it. But doing this causes a man to resist since he doesn’t want to be told what to do or how to do it! Instead, give him a chance to be part of the issue and to come up with a solution that works for both of you.
So, once you’ve expressed your feelings, tell him what you don’t want. In the case of him being late, you would simply say, “I don’t want to miss the show” or simply “I don’t want to be kept waiting.”
This is much more effective than asking him to call you if he’s running late or telling him that he needs to be on time, because you’re giving him a chance to rectify the situation by coming up with a solution.
STEP 3: “WHAT DO YOU THINK?”
Asking a man what he thinks and giving him a chance to be part of a solution is music to his ears. He’ll appreciate that you’re giving him a chance to respond, and it will show him that you value his input.
So, once you express your feeling and tell him what you don’t want, throw the ball in his court by asking him what he thinks should be done:
“What do you think would be the best way to work out our differences on this one?”
Saying these words is one of the most powerful things you can do to encourage a man to listen to you and inspire him to want to come closer. Using this three-step script is a simple yet effective way to connect with a man while staying true to you.
Rori teaches women how to effortlessly attract the right man and create the secure, connected relationship they long for. To learn specific ways to relate to a man – from the early stages of dating all the way through commitment – subscribe to Rori’s free e-newsletter. You’ll learn word-for-word scripts that will help you connect with a man and inspire his devotion, even during difficult moments.
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