8 Bad Reasons to Break Up

by eHarmony Staff

8 Bad Reasons to Break Up

If you have a reputation as a bit of a heartbreaker, you’re probably ending relationships for the wrong reasons.

After all, not every bad day has to spell the end and not every problem is insurmountable. Wondering if you’re throwing in the towel too soon? Check out 8 bad reasons to break up.

For many of us, it’s clear when a relationship has run its course, but far too many fold before they’ve really tried to make it work. Not every bad day has to spell the end and not every problem is insurmountable.

But how do you know when you’re giving up too soon? Here are eight terrible reasons to break up with someone…

1) You’ve Had a Big Fight

Having a row with your partner is as inevitable as Thanksgiving with the in-laws. But not only is having a conflict with your partner not a reason to break up, it’s often a reason that you should stay together. Even the most reasonable people disagree with each other, and the way you resolve your differences can help your relationship climb to new levels. So don’t clam up or head for the door at the first sign of a disagreement. Instead, use it as a way to further understand your partner and what makes him or her tick.

2) Your Partner Doesn’t Like Everything you Like

So your new boyfriend doesn’t want to spend the weekends antiquing or your new girlfriend would rather turn the TV to a channel other than ESPN. That’s perfectly fine – and again, no reason to start searching for a new partner. Differences can be healthy. Having your own things to do can naturally give a relationship the space it requires. As long as you have enough shared interests to remain united as a couple, take a hint from the French – vive la difference!

3) Your Partner Finds Other People Attractive

Just because you’ve captured another’s heart, it doesn’t mean that you’ve removed the eyes from that person’s head, too. Even when fully loved up, it’s crazy to think that your partner has gone blind to the attractiveness of others. Physically attractive people are all around us, on TV, in film and even in the local supermarket, so it’s naïve to think that they’ll go unnoticed. There’s even a chance that your loved one will feel that pull of chemistry with someone else, too, so you’d better learn how to manage it. In a good committed relationship, the partners are not cut off to external influences, but they’re mature enough to know that acting on them is a recipe for disaster.

4) You Don’t Have Time for a Relationship

Yes, we all know how important your career is right now and that the world will collapse without your undivided attention and input. But get your priorities straight. Astronauts have partners, as do scientists, doctors, judges, teachers and even presidents. You’re a very important person, but never too important to enjoy one of the greatest and most important pleasures in life: a loving relationship. So sure, go to the gym, put in some overtime at work, write a book, save the planet. But understand that having love in your life will make all that seem even more worthwhile.

5) Baggage Has Got you Down

We all carry a certain amount of baggage with us, and not just when we go on vacation. But just because you’ve had a bad experience in your past, it doesn’t mean you have to carry it with you forever into your future. Instead, learn from those experiences, use them as a way to make wiser choices and break the pattern. Your new partner is not your old partner, and just because that person treated you badly doesn’t mean that your new partner will, too.

6) He or She Doesn’t Do as you Say

While you and your new love may give each other pet names, one thing your sweetie is not is an actual pet. He or she won’t sit and stay when you want, nor should you want that. While small power struggles are common in all relationships, some people’s need for the ultimate say can destroy the peace. Maybe you’re not happy with your significant other going out with his friends. Or you don’t like it when she voices her opinions. If this is so, it’s your issue, not your partner’s, and it’s not a reason to pull the plug. If you find that it’s a recurring theme for you, maybe it’s time to seek personal therapy and work through your own problems before blaming your partner.

7) You Let Petty Things Get in the Way

A lot of people need drama in their lives to feel alive, but the only thing regal about a drama queen is that she can be a royal pain. Like a critic reviewing a movie, it’s easy to pick on what’s wrong with something and make it into something bigger than it is: “OMG, he got me an emerald necklace for my birthday, and he KNOWS I hate green.” “I’m so sick of her tuning the radio to country FM when we’re in her car.” If you have specific issues with something, talk about it, but focus on the positive, like the thoughtfulness of a gift or a simple ride to the airport. Be thankful for the love in your life and for what you are getting out of your relationship, and remember to look at the bigger picture and stop sweating the details.

8) The Relationship Doesn’t Always Make you Happy

Love may be a many splendored thing, but a relationship doesn’t exist JUST to make you happy. It’s not the answer to everything, nor is it an escape from all ills or an elixir to bring a perma-smile to your face. A partner can obviously be a great support in your life, but you’re still responsible for yourself, for accomplishing your individual goals and for keeping yourself entertained. If you’ve abandoned all hobbies and ambitions or dreams because you’re expecting your relationship to fulfill all your needs, you’re doing yourself – and your partner – a disservice, and are piling on far too much pressure. For it to work, YOU have to work, so look inside before casting the blame on someone else. It’ll be good for your relationship – and good for you, too.

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