This year, attract the man who will love you just as you are and create the secure, connected relationship you’ve always wanted. Here’s how…
10. Open your heart and be surprised
You’re on eHarmony, so you must be open to love, right? But truly being open means that even though you’re looking for that special One, you’re receptive to love from wherever it comes. Your Mr. Right might show up in a way you never expected and might look different from what you’ve imagined. The only way to find out is to accept dates from lots of different men.
9. Don’t become exclusive until you’re committed
You’ve been seeing a great guy, and you’re spending a lot of time together. You should stop accepting dates from other men, right? Not at all. Unless he has asked you for a commitment, keep your options open. It’s not about playing games – it’s about maintaining your sense of self instead of making any one man the center of your universe. You also prevent yourself from having that “needy” vibe, and you make him feel like commitment is his idea.
8. Soften your body language
Next time you’re out on a date, take a moment and notice what your body is doing. Chances are, your nerves are showing up in the form of tense shoulders and clasped hands. We women become so overly conscious of ourselves that we fail to display the femininity that men find so alluring. Instead, relax your hands, drop your shoulders, and actually lean back in his presence. Then watch as he fills the space by melting forward – and inching ever so closer to your heart.
7. Don’t think too far ahead
What were you thinking on your last date? If you’re like most women, at least some of the time you were watching these thoughts run through your head: Does he like me? Can I see myself in a relationship with him? Is he going to ask me out again? Focusing on the future and “what ifs” not only keeps you from enjoying the present moment and discovering who this man is, but staying stuck in your head keeps you from connecting with him where it truly counts – his heart.
6. Share your feelings without making him responsible
He’s late (again), he brings up his ex, he forgets to call. These are scenarios you’re bound to run into at one time or another – even after you’re married. Most women think bringing these up will only push a man away, but the key is to draw him closer by expressing your feelings in a clear, non-blaming way that invites him to be part of the solution: “I really feel uncomfortable hearing about other women, and I don’t want to create any weirdness between the two of us. What do you think?”
5. Stop pretending you’re something you’re not
How often have you hidden the real you when you’re with a guy? You might feel that if you reveal the quirky things about you, you’ll scare him away…or that if you disagree with him, you’ll rock the boat. But nothing can be further from the truth. This isn’t about spilling your guts on a first date, it’s about letting go of the need to be perfect and letting love in. So stop censoring yourself…and start allowing the man who will love you for who you are make his way into your life – for good.
4. Switch the channel to “receive”
You might think that in order to show a man you’re a great catch, you need to make him dinner, do things for him, or push the relationship along. But the truth is that men fall in love by how much they give to you – not the other way around. A good man will want to please you, make you happy, and do nice things for you. Let him!
3. Always put yourself first
It’s natural for women to put others first; but if you want to inspire romance in a man, putting his needs before yours is entirely counterproductive. While it’s true that every relationship is give and take, you still need to take care of yourself first. When a man sees that you treat yourself with kindness and respect, he’ll see a woman who has a high sense of worth and a healthy self-esteem – both of which are very attractive and motivate him to keep you happy.
2. Don’t write him off…yet
Is he too short, too heavy, too young, too serious, not serious enough? There are scores of women who couldn’t stand their husbands at first and now can’t imagine their lives without them. Whenever a man shows up in your life – regardless of how long – treat it as an opportunity. Unless you are really turned off by him, give him at least three dates. He might not be your Mr. Right, but he will get you closer to him by helping you discover more about you.
1. Remember that you can’t say the wrong thing to the right man
As long as you speak from your heart, the man who is going to love you will not be scared away – he will work with you through conflict, and this will bring you closer together. Of course, you need to make him feel safe enough to express his own feelings, and the way you do this comes right back to where we started: by expressing your own. As you build a solid foundation of safety and mutual acceptance, love doesn’t just thrive – it flourishes.
Changing your habits takes practice, and luckily for you, eHarmony gives you the perfect way to try out all these guidelines. So go out with lots of different guys and practice the above until they become second nature. I know that if you do, the love and romance you’ve dreamed of will become your way of life.
To learn more ways to make a lasting connection with a man through his heart, subscribe to Rori’s free relationship advice e-newsletter. Rori will teach you specific words and body language to help you share your feelings effectively without blame. You’ll learn how to get closer to a man and create the relationship you want while staying true to you.