The 8 Most Common Dating Questions: Answers from Dr. Seth

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dating advice

Despite the vast individual differences between the millions of men and women currently dating and looking for a partner, most people have the basic same questions about dating. Take a look at the list below and hopefully the straight-shooting answers will be helpful. Store them in your memory and remind yourself of these answers the next time you are faced with any one of them.

Will I ever find someone?

You will find someone as long as you put yourself out there and go on a lot of dates. Dating isn’t complicated; it’s a numbers game. Most men and women need to go out on many first dates with lots of different people to find a good match. Too often people give up too soon, but keep dating and you will find a partner.

What if people think I’m not attractive enough, too short or too fat, and so forth?

While some men and women may harbor a fantasy of dating a cover model, rocket scientist, or someone wealthy, most of us understand that we will probably end up with someone similar to us. Regardless of which insecurities you may have, remember that many men and women would be perfectly happy dating someone who is short, overweight, and so on because there is also this other factor that matters, too: personality! Now, if you have a personality where people tell you that you turn them off, it means that you need to spend more time thinking about how you come across to others.

My relationships never last that long. Why not?

A person whose relationships don’t last long is guilty of one of two things: either choosing and investing in the wrong types, or dating and going through the motions but actually being conflicted, deep down, about settling down for good.

My friends are married but I’m still single.  Why?

Odds are that you are too picky, you seek out inappropriate partners, or there is a part of you that is nervous about committing to one person.

I get bored easily. Will anyone ever keep me interested for the rest of my life?

People who get bored easily in dating often have a huge need for attention and stimulation. Once you develop more realistic expectations about relationships and mature a bit emotionally, you will probably be like most men and women who find someone they like and feel good keeping that person around for a long, long time.

I feel like people don’t find me sexy. Doesn’t that mean it will be harder for me to find someone?

There is no – mark these words – one person that everyone will find sexy. Expand your view of what sexy is, and keep in mind that it’s not what magazines tell you it is. Proof: Poll your friends and try to come up with one celebrity each of you is attracted to. Quickly, you will see what I mean because everyone has different types!

I’m so afraid of being cheated on again. Will the experience of being cheated on haunt me forever?

Dating and relationships always bring emotional risks, but protect yourself emotionally by choosing someone who has some different personality traits than the partner who cheated on you. Also remember that you were cheated on before and that it didn’t break you completely. In fact, you’re wiser now because of it.

I start dating someone, but sooner or later, they always end up annoying me. Will I ever find someone who doesn’t annoy me?

If you always end up feeling bothered or turned off by someone you’re dating, it means that you are unconsciously looking for a reason why you shouldn’t settle down or commit to one person. The unconscious part means that you may tell yourself that you want a relationship, but deep down, you feel mixed – conflicted – about being with someone for a long time. If you are really honest with yourself, you can ask yourself what you are most afraid of in settling down. Underneath your behavior (getting turned off sooner or later by everyone you date) is fear.

The questions I reviewed above are some of the most common ones people ask therapists and dating coaches. While dating can bring uncertainty and anxiety, the root issues in dating are more simple than they seem. Most of these issues boil down to self-esteem and fear. If you have other dating questions you want answered, ask away!

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About the Author:

Dr. Seth is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, Psychology Today blogger, and TV guest expert. He practices in Los Angeles and treats a wide range of issues and disorders and specializes in relationships, parenting, and addiction. He has had extensive training in conducting couples therapy and is the author of Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription: Overcome Relationship Repetition Syndrome and Find the Love You Deserve.

 


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