One of the most common questions I get asked about online dating is what to do to get to know and attract a man through the things you say in e-mails or phone calls in order to create interest before you meet in person.
Ok, let’s say you “meet” a man online through eHarmony and start to correspond with him on a daily basis. He’s intelligent, charming, attractive and has a lot going for him in general. You have fun communicating with him and make sure to do and say things that would help determine if he’s the right guy and capture his attention if he is.
But then it happens…
Out of the blue he stops writing or calling and you’re left feeling confused and disappointed because out of all your matches, this guy was the one you were most excited about meeting. This is never a fun feeling. How can you get to know the right man online and do it in a way that increases the chances you’ll keep him attracted from the first “hello” all the way through a first date…and beyond?
Get Clear On What Online Dating Is For
First of all, I want to make a distinction about what I believe online dating is. Online dating is a great way to get introduced and to qualify men who share your interests and values, for the purpose of seeing if there is spark enough there to meet in person.
A few e-mails, phone calls, and text messages are a kind of virtual “flirting.” There is no real relationship yet in the man’s mind. Therefore, if you’ve been talking to a man online for a little while (weeks or months) and he suddenly stops writing or takes longer to write you back, don’t take it too personally.
The key here is not to overanalyze why. There is no rhyme or reason for why a man will do this, and trying to figure it out will not only drive you crazy, but you’ll inadvertently give off a “vibe” that won’t help you. As disappointing as it may feel, it’s best to just move on.
My quick tip is to qualify with a phone conversation first, then meet a guy for a low-pressure or fun “get to know each other” event. This can and will save you time, energy and confusion.
But there’s more to it than just this…
The Danger of the “Instant Connection”
When you start talking to a man online, it’s easy to get addicted to the feeling of emotional connection when you “click” with him and you’re both sharing personal, intimate things about yourselves with each other.
For some women, talking to a man online can be the only recent experience of dating someone their own age and feeling comfortable with it. Be careful here. Don’t make the mistake of thinking that your ability to share and connect will translate well when you meet in person. He may not act or talk the same way that he writes. You may not feel as comfortable with him in person as you do online, or feel the same chemistry.
How To Stand Out And Be Uniquely Attractive
When you’re moving through the steps of getting to know a man online, you want to communicate that you’re having fun and enjoying yourself, without pushing toward the next step. If a man is interested, he’ll be asking for your number or working toward setting up a first date.
You want to avoid asking him if he’s open to having a relationship with you (he isn’t thinking that yet), or trying to get him to approve of the way you look or the type of woman that you are.
One of the most common and unattractive things that men experience over and over online and in their dating life are women who are constantly seeking approval or jumping into “relationship mode” too quickly. If you want to be uniquely attractive, it’s important to avoid doing this.
For more tips on dating men and relationships, feel free to check out my website along with my free newsletter where I’ll email my best tips and insights on men and dating, all from a man’s perspective. It’s all here for you to check out:
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