Flirting: How to Get the Girl Without Playing Games

by eHarmony Staff

Flirting: How to Get the Girl Without Playing Games

Okay guys, listen up. Want to improve your overall game in 2008? Success is easier than you think—and you don’t have to be a player to score a girl’s digits. But you do need to master the fine art of the initial approach, a.k.a. first-impression flirting.

Okay guys, listen up. Want to improve your overall game in 2008? Success is easier than you think—and you don’t have to be a player to score a girl’s digits. But you do need to master the fine art of the initial approach, a.k.a. first-impression flirting. If that’s not your strong suit, don’t stress. The truth is, it’s not about delivering a killer line or perfecting a suave smile that makes the girl weak in the knees. To make a lasting (positive) first impression, all you need is a relaxed confidence when you approach and the ability to sustain genuine interest in what she has to say. For more tips on how to master first impression flirting, read on…

Confidence is key
When approaching a woman, confidence is essential. Instead of over-thinking what you’re going to say or how she’s going to react, your focus should be on embodying your most confident self. That means good posture, eye contact, and a relaxed (not forced or smarmy) smile. Once you’ve approached, maintain that eye contact, relax your smile, and just say hi. If she smiles and says hi back, she’s giving you permission to talk to her. If she gives you attitude/the cold shoulder, don’t return the bad mojo. Instead, remain your confident self as you walk past her and look for someone else to approach. After all, you never know if she has a cute friend who may be more receptive to you. If you’re a jerk, her friend will never give you the time of day. If you’re cool, you may just leave Attitude Girl wishing she’d given you a shot when she sees you with her gal pal.

Be yourself (don’t be a player)
In 2008, women are savvy enough to recognize when they’re being played. And while there’s plenty of evidence that The Game works for confidence-challenged guys looking to cultivate a player persona, you don’t need to rely on gimmicks to get a girl’s attention. Instead, just be yourself. Your most confident, smart, understatedly sexy self, of course! Women dig a guy who’s comfortable in his own skin, and isn’t afraid to approach a woman he’s interested in. Again, it’s not a clever line that’s going to rock her world. If she gives you the green light to approach and talk to her, initiate a light/friendly conversation and just be yourself!

Pay attention/listen
If you listen and actively pay attention to what the girl you’re interested in has to say, you’re golden! But if you have cheesy lines and/or preconceived responses planned, she’ll quickly lose interest in you. For example, after your initial approach, comment on your surroundings and pay attention to her responses. Ask her questions about herself and when she shares information with you, let your responses reflect that you heard what she has to say and are genuinely interested in continuing the conversation. Whenever possible, interject light and playful flirtation. However, DO NOT mistake innocent flirtation for being overtly sexual. If you can’t decipher the difference between fun flirting and suggestive innuendo, exercise caution and don’t use either.

Don’t try too hard
Just as women know when they’re being played, they can also sense when a guy’s trying too hard to impress her. And nothing turns a woman off quicker than realizing that the guy she’s talking to reeks of desperation. Here are some tips to help you avoid coming off as desperate:

  • Give her plenty of physical space so she doesn’t feel crowded
  • Listen intently without staring at her (look around every so often)
  • Be playful and fun (and, when appropriate, laugh)
  • Don’t talk too much (let her participate in the conversation)
  • Cut the conversation short, leaving her wanting more (don’t worry—you can still ask for her digits before you walk away)

Learn how to handle rejection smoothly
Even the most successful singles face their share of rejection. It’s a natural part of the dating process. In 2008, instead of fearing rejection, you’re going to embrace it and learn how to handle it smoothly. If you approach a woman and she rejects you, walk away with confidence. If you ask for her number and she declines, that’s okay. If you lean in for a kiss and she pulls away, take it like a man (a gentleman!). By not letting rejection knock you off your game, you’re going to cut down on wasted time and increase your overall odds of dating success.

In 2008, the key to first impression flirting lies in your ability to approach with confidence, be your best self, and listen intently/respond with interest. If you can master these techniques—and handle rejection with ease—you’re sure to make a lasting (and positive) impression with the ladies. Good luck!

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