Why Do you Keep Attracting the Wrong People?

eHarmony Staff

Why Do you Keep Attracting the Wrong People?

When it comes to attracting the opposite sex, do you sometimes feel like you’re a tractor beam with a magnetic pull on Mr. or Ms. Wrong? And if so, are you frustrated by your lackluster results in the love department? The good news is that you don’t need a frontal lobotomy. You just need to fine tune your Attraction Factor. Read on to see what attraction pitfalls you may have fallen prey to, as well as how to free yourself and become the attraction rock star you were born to be!

 

Attraction Pitfall #1: You may be addicted to bad love

 

If you subscribe to the limiting belief that romantic success is difficult, challenging, and/or impossible to attract, you’ve fallen into the attraction pitfall known as “Addicted to bad love.” Break this habit by writing a new relationship script for yourself. For example, replace “I suck at dating” or “Romantic bliss is unattainable” with “Dating is easy and fun!” or “I deserve real and lasting love.”

 

Reflect on any other destructive patterns you’re stuck in, and determine what you need to kick them to the curb. Remember, whatever you focus on expands so turn your back on attraction pitfalls and create a new story for yourself. As a savvy single, see yourself as a magnetic attractor of effortless, joyous, rock solid romance. Go ahead — create it, attract it, and claim it!

 

Attraction Pitfall #2: You suffer from low self-esteem

 

When you think you don’t deserve someone amazing, you always settle for that so-so relationship that never quite rocks your world. Sound familiar? The truth is, if you can’t see how fabulous you really are, how will you ever attract the love of your life? In 2009, it’s time to honor your magnificence!

 

Sit down and make a list of ten wonderful things about you. This list is for your eyes only so be as creative and crazy as you like. You can easily pull yourself out of this attraction pitfall by whipping out your list on a regular basis to remind yourself of your innate fabulousness. Have fun with this exercise!

 

Attraction Pitfall #3: You settle for less than you deserve

 

If you’re saying yes to anyone who asks you out without giving any thought to who might be right for you, you’re probably settling for less than you deserve. Your relationship results? Mediocre at best. In order to attract the kind of partner you truly want and deserve, you need to extricate yourself from this attraction pitfall. Start by asking yourself what authentic and exciting qualities you’re looking for in a potential partner. Improve your attraction factor by making a list of these traits and qualities. You’ll also want to identify your top three deal-breakers, i.e. relationship requirements you won’t date without.

 

For example, “drug free,” “lives within his means,” and “must love dogs” might be on your requirements list. Once you’ve made these lists, honor them and only date people who match your core values. When someone you’re dating reveals an incongruence with these non-negotiables, you acknowledge and act accordingly. In doing so, you become a more conscious dater, get clear about what you really want, and quickly and easily recover from dating disappointment.

 

Attraction Pitfall #4: You may be a little clueless about clarity

 

Unsure of what you really want and/or who you really want to attract? Being unclear about your relationship goals can seriously sabotage your success. Clarity is absolutely essential to your happily ever after future. So how do you climb out of this chasm? Start by paying attention to the traits in your dates that you enjoy being around. For example, do you like someone who’s laid back, has a sharp sense of humor, makes you feel special, is an excellent communicator, etc.? Next, identify the target rich environments where you might find a potential partner with these traits and qualities.

 

Commit to putting yourself in these target rich environments on a regular basis. You may also want to assemble a detailed vision board, join activities or groups you’re passionate about, and/or get more serious about your online dating efforts. By fine tuning this attraction factor, you set the stage for dating and relationship success.

 

Attraction Pitfall #5: You’re stuck in a scarcity mindset

 

Do you believe all the good ones are already snatched up? If you answered yes, you’re setting yourself up to attract less than who you really want and deserve. You may also find yourself saying yes to inappropriate individuals simply because you believe the good ones are gone. The results? Disappointment, drama, and disaster. But before you give up hope, a simple tweak to your thinking should set you on the path toward success. Start by adopting an abundance mentality, believing that there is an unlimited supply of amazing singles in your circle.

 

Next, practice talking to strangers. In 2009, make it your mission to make eye contact, smile, and strike up a conversation with at least one cute stranger you encounter each day. Whether you pass a cutie on the street, share an elevator ride in your office building, are next to one another on the treadmills at the gym, and/or bump into one another in the produce department, your new mission is to make a connection. It doesn’t have to lead anywhere. It just has to get you in the practice of taking those blinders off and seeing that there are potential dates — everywhere!

 

In order to rock your relationship results in the new year, you may first need to free yourself from a potential attraction pitfall or two. By tweaking how you show up on a daily basis, who you interact with, and how comfortable you are connecting with potential partners, you dramatically change the type of partner you attract, not to mention rock your chances of relationship success.

Read on for similar articles in our Stages of Love road map!

more blog posts

More like this:

By posting a comment, I agree to the Community Standards.
Need help with eHarmony.com?