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Nearly Gave Up

Christopher and Darya

Mechanicsville, VA

"Growing up together" has been a consistent facet of many of the stronger marriages I've seen. But at thirty-five, something I'd quite frankly given up on, was the notion of ever meeting a woman with whom I could grow up. Living alone and largely for myself in my twenties, I thought I'd exhausted that possibility. Once I became serious about meeting the woman whom I'd marry, a principal concern of mine had been that I'd find my ways so set in concrete as not to work well with hers, set in her own concrete. So began my two-year relationship - off and on - with eHarmony.

Two years, for I learned that indeed I was in many ways set in concrete. I'd not realized this fact earlier, while on a couple of other "matching" websites. Those sites tended to inflate my ego, allowing me to advertise the self I wished women to see. As I've learned, it's actually a desirable thing to have your personality "challenges" factored into a match. Those challenges always emerge, so it's best to recognize them at the onset. The eHarmony personality profile was quite accurate in its rendering of both my strengths and challenges. Darya has a different story, in that she was on eHarmony for but a month when we were introduced. She had done much personal work on her own concrete, prior to signing-up with eHarmony, and so was ready when we were matched.

Something we realized almost instantly was how alike we are. As we came to know one another better, it seemed we had known one another for some time - as if we had grown up together. eHarmony had in this instance done an exceptional job of matching us.

I proposed to Darya on Valentine’s Day 2005. I had run a "disinformation campaign" in the weeks prior to asking her, taking her to dinner at several ritzy restaurants and attending various special events. I did this in case she was suspicious of my asking her on Valentine’s Day. As it turned out, she was truly surprised, as I had said in several ways I would not choose a day which has become so cliché. Well, when I said it, I believed what I was saying. Love has a way of changing one's mind.

We are grateful to eHarmony for providing a safe and effective forum, unlike anything else we've experienced, through which we could meet with some assurance of the other’s motives. The caliber of clientele (insofar as seriousness) greatly exceeds what is experienced elsewhere.

One update: our first daughter, Ava Lily, was born 8/8/2006 and is healthy and happy

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