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94% of American Dogs Report They’re Happiest in Monogamous Relationships

We are happy to announce the “Happiness Index: Love and Canine Relationships in America” report, a new groundbreaking national research initiative revealing that canines are some of the most intuitive and happiest animals on the planet. The new report utilized a proprietary bark and tail wag measurement scale to determine levels of relationship satisfaction for eharmony users’ dogs’. This study follows the significant praise for the company’s recent “Happiness Index: Love and Relationships in America” report.

Following these new insights about the health and happiness of canines, eharmony will be offering new features to make meeting suitable mates easier and less stressful. Based on the algorithms eharmony uses to create highly compatible relationships for humans, the new “Furever Love” Canine Compatibility Companion Service helps users create robust profiles for their pups based on key dimensions of personality that predict the most compatible, highly successful, long-term relationships.

“For nearly 20 years, we’ve been mastering how to create lasting relationships for humans,” says Grant Langston, chief executive officer for eharmony. “We didn’t want our most trusted four-legged friends to feel left out, especially since they often seem to know more about love and happiness than we do.”

eharmony users can log on and use the new “Furever Love” feature to create a profile for their furry companions. The service will automatically find and suggest highly-compatible matches based on responses to questions about a dog’s personality, activity level, and other key relationship success indicators. Users can then set up doggie dates or playtimes. eharmony canine experts will be available to assist with any questions or translation needs as they arise throughout the process.

The Canine Happiness Index: What does the self-described “perfectly happy” canine couple look like?

● Personality traits: smart, social, adaptable, joyful, loving
● Activity level: medium-high (best when it matches)
● Social skills: outgoing/extraverted, friendly, gets along well with cats/children
● Geography: tend to live in cities with dog-friendly parks, cafes, shops
● Human factor: tend to live with happy humans in long-term relationships
● Behavior turn-offs: stubbornness, slobberiness, lack of bathing, inability to share toys

 

Other interesting key takeaways from the recent canine study include: How happy are American dogs in their relationships? Like their human counterparts, love is a huge factor in American dogs’ overall happiness. A sense of commitment/loyalty, having lots of healthy play time, and feeling secure about the number of treats/bones available at any given time are also key factors that directly correlate with happiness.
● Dogs living in cities with large parks tend to be happier in their relationships
● Being “in love” correlates most with happiness: much more than relationship satisfaction
● Almost 8 out of 10 reported high barks for shared activities, such as swimming, long walks, and car rides
● Happiness peaks among those in committed relationships of any type including: those who have been in a relationship for 5 years or less
● Happiness is greater among those who are employed as assistance animals or those who consider themselves to be the main household watchdog
● As might be expected, high levels of happiness correlate with top marks for signs of affection, such as tummy rubs, bedtime stories, and kisses
● As dogs get older, they tend to rank long naps as more important than play/activity compatibility, though the seniors tend to also enjoy computer games and dog sudoku

Why are puppies most positive about relationships?

While the recent Happiness Index: Love and Relationships in America revealed that millennial humans ages 25 to 34 are the happiest in their human relationships, puppies ages 10 weeks to 12 months also barked highest when it came to playfulness and willingness to try new activities.

● Young dogs are 2x more likely to prize personality over looks when seeking companions
● Male pups were likely to seek out a friend for comfort if they were lonely
● More than a quarter of all puppies have already sought professional help, whether it was through a trainer, dog whisperer, therapist, dog walker, or YouTube

Do dogs care about romance & affection like we do? Yes! Studies show that dogs’ brains have a striking similarity to humans in the caudate nucleus. That means their “feel good” dopamine receptors light up when they see or experience something they like. As such, our canine respondents reported high barks for signs of affection from their canine and human companions alike.

eharmony will be expanding the new offering in coming months to other animals, such as cats, rabbits, horses, sea lions, and dolphins.

PS … This announcement is not factual and is intended as a spoof release for April Fools’.