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Harnessing Your Wild Side

Strong attraction to a partner you’ve just begun dating is almost magical. The smell of her hair, the sparkle in her eyes and the curves of her physique drive you toward her in such a way that could . . . well, ruin everything if you’re not careful. Physical intimacy is a powerful force that can carry a relationship forward, or it can spoil the relationship and signal the beginning of the end.

Even when chemistry is off the charts with a woman, it pays to manage your sexual impulses, especially when you are dating someone you really like. Media images would have us believe that we can—and should—do whatever we want whenever we want with whomever we want, without much thought of how it will impact you and your partner, but the truth is that when two people become too physically intimate too soon, a lot of the magic is lost, and unless your relationship has developed to a point of depth, recognized compatibility and mutual interest, it will most likely dissolve before the 6-month mark.

Physical attraction is an important aspect of a romantic relationship, and it must be there, regardless of compatibility on other dimensions. Without chemistry, a relationship with a member of the opposite sex is just a friendship, and like relationships built on physical attraction alone, won’t be strong enough to last a lifetime.

Chemistry is intense. It makes you come alive when you’re next to her, and strengthens the feeling of love that is developing for her. You feel the need to physically touch her—holding hands, hugging, arms around the shoulders—as well as stand right next to her and be physically close at all times. Sexual attraction is a hard feeling to deny, but for relationship success you will want to become adept at knowing which qualities outside of physical attraction in that person are compatible with you. This skill of observation is so important because you’ll be able to recognize someone of value over just another strong physical attraction.

“Those who say, I love that person, but I’m not in love anymore have made the wrong choice in a partner for them.”–Dr. Neil Clark Warren

Taking it one step further, being able to recognize a compatible woman of value while getting to know her slowly on all fronts is the foundation of relationship quality. In the beginning of a relationship even the largest of incompatibilities between you can be overlooked in the shadow of new love and physical attraction, but over time they’ll be sticking points in the relationship. If you want to know your incompatibilities after a while, you can easily spot them by asking yourself which personal traits or behavioral choices in your life do you have to curb or emphasize in order to satisfy your partner. Can you be yourself, or do you have to change a little bit? The more incompatibilities, the more concessions you will have to make to maintain the relationship.

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Harnessing Your
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In the most incompatible relationships what you’ll find is that when the initial honeymoon physical chemistry wears off the entire interaction with each other in the relationship becomes a series of uncomfortable concessions that compromise or dull your individual authenticity, leading you to ask the question, “Do we ever have any fun anymore?” When there is compatibility and chemistry, however, the interactions are easygoing and happy.

While all relationships have some degree of compromise, it’s easier to come to agreements about critical issues in the relationship when you both have the ability to identify with how the other person is thinking and feeling. So make sure that in the early stages of a relationship you are able to focus you attention on her clearly, and more than likely that means pulling in the reins on the physical aspect of the relationship until you have an accurate assessment of how you and she connect, and whether your interest in one another is mutual. Physical chemistry and expression is something to celebrate, but at the right time.

Getting to know lots of women about whom you are making decisions about the likelihood of relationship longevity and satisfaction is what dating is all about. Don’t look toward the media for instructions on how to manage your sexuality; it’s a very personal and unique thing. If you can’t become physically involved with a woman without both of you feeling good about the event and where your relationship is going the next day, then hold off and wait a bit longer for the union to develop where it needs to for success. To rush things may meet your immediate sexual needs in a relationship, but none of the equally important qualities that determine whether your Ms. Right Now is Ms. Right.