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He’s Being Distant…What To Do?

by Jeannie Assimos - January 31, 2012

The very best examples of dating issues come right from our own Advice community. We have so many amazing users who give great, honest feedback. One particular thread I found compelling was from a woman who had been seeing a man for two years. He suddenly became distant, didn’t contact her for nearly a week, and she was going crazy trying to figure out if she had done something wrong, or what was going on inside his head. Her gut told her something was wrong. When he finally did contact her, he said it was basically various life stressors and she breathed a sigh of relief. But should she?

A lot of our users pointed a few things out regarding this “yellow flag” situation. I loved their candor and agreed with many of their observations:

1. Intuition: She repeatedly said she just felt something was off. That gut feeling is a powerful thing, so if I were her, I would keep my eyes open and not be afraid to ask him a few questions here and there. So what if it makes him uncomfortable? Don’t worry about rocking the boat. Protecting yourself is most important.

2. When one decides to be in a relationship, there are certain responsibilities to the other person. This guy didn’t contact her for almost a week and didn’t seem very apologetic. This behavior seems selfish to me, to put it lightly. How about calling your partner when you are stressed instead of just putting them on the backburner? We all have tough days and stress in our lives, it’s not really a valid reason to put off your partner (but a common excuse, rather).

3. Open communication is the key to a successful relationship. The fact that she worried, didn’t want to bother him and was afraid to contact him may be a sign to take a hard look at this partnership. We all should be able to express our feelings, good or bad, to one another, without worrying about the other party running for the hills.

I think it is important that we all remember how we want to be treated, and settle for nothing less. We have to speak out and not be afraid to say what we want or need.  If the other person can’t handle it, then it’s better to know sooner than later.

Thoughts? Advice? Would love to hear it!