A young couple sharing an intimate moment before they kiss

The Magic Attitude that Inspires Honesty in a Man

by Eharmony Editorial Team - September 30, 2011

What if you could learn crucial information about a man before you start falling for him – so you don’t waste your time with the wrong guy?

What if you could learn crucial information about a man before you start falling for him – so you don’t waste your time with the wrong guy? Follow these simple rules for letting a man know that it’s safe to open up and share – including the three words he needs to hear to feel he can tell you anything.
There’s a certain attitude that inspires a man to be completely up front and honest with you – a mindset that can actually help you qualify the right man and avoid Mr. Wrong as early in the dating process as possible – even before you meet in person for the first time.
And if you’re in a relationship, it can help you get to the bottom of what he’s thinking and feeling, so you can know why he’s withdrawing, if he’s open to taking things to the “next level,” or what’s holding him back from fully committing to you…
It’s not that a man is afraid of certain questions. It’s just that the WAY a woman asks those questions can make him feel defensive.  If a woman warns, “You’re not seeing anyone else right now, are you?” It almost automatically invites dishonesty in a man –  he’ll feel cornered and pressured.
In order to make him feel he is “safe” when he shares with you, you have to have what I call the “Anything is OK” attitude.
Now, this doesn’t mean that anything is OK for a man to do, and that you’re supposed to accept anything he does and have no boundaries or limitations.  The attitude is more like you thinking, “Anything is OK for you to share with me, but I know what I will and will not tolerate in my life, and what I want. But you can tell me anything. I can handle it.”
How do you communicate this attitude?  Easy.
Ok, I won’t kill you with suspense anymore.  Here’s the magic phrase that will make a man feel safe enough to be honest with you: “I’m just curious.”
It can go like this.
“Are you seeing anyone right now? I’m just curious.”
“What kind of relationship are you looking for? I’m just curious.”
“What kind of woman do you most admire? I’m just curious.”
“Where do you see yourself in the next five years? I’m just curious.”
Using these three words not only lets a man know that you’ll be OK with whatever he tells you, but it also instantly conveys that you’re not needy or too aggressive, and that he can feel safe telling you just about anything.
If you want to inspire sincerity in a man, you must have the “Anything is OK” attitude and use those 3 magic words to get the most honest response possible.  That way, you won’t waste a lot of time going on dates with “unavailable” men, men who have skeletons in their closet, aren’t over their ex, or are actually interested in a different kind of relationship than you are.
And here’s a nice bonus: with this magic attitude, you may be able to get a man to reveal a lot more than he would ever reveal on his own, without prompting.  As a result, he’ll feel more attracted to you because he’ll feel more understood and appreciated by you.  This is why I call this attitude “magic.” It not only inspires honesty from a man, it makes him feel more connected to you at the same time.
If you want to know how to share your feelings with a man – even the difficult ones – in a way that will really make him want to listen and will make him feel even deeper attraction for you, subscribe to Christian’s free e-newsletter.  You’ll learn what it is that a man needs to feel with you in order to want a committed, long-term relationship in which you both feel safe and secure.