Group of friends cheering's and laughing at a restaurant

Three Ways to Escape the Friend Zone

by Eharmony Editorial Team - June 18, 2012

Most guys just don’t get it...

Most guys just don’t get it…

They’re baffled when they act sensitive, polite and nice when they first meet a woman, then get slam-dunked into her “friend zone” — that no-man’s land where women tell you their problems and cry on your shoulder but won’t even consider dating you.

If you’re a guy who usually ends up in the friend zone, then here’s a wake-up call: your sensitive, polite, innocent behavior does absolutely nothing to create feelings of can’t-keep-her-hands-off-you attraction in a woman.

Creating that feeling requires behaving in totally different way. This in mind, here come three sure-fire ways to escape the friend zone for good…

1. Stop Making Excuses.
When you first meet a woman, don’t make excuses or hide the reason that you’re approaching her in the first place. In other words, your “stories” about wanting to borrow her phone, see what she’s reading or help her carry her bags? Guess what…they all increase your chances of having her think of you as “just a friend” right from the start.

On the other hand, if you want to ignite feelings of attraction in a woman, then you need to come across as potential “date” material right out of the gate. You accomplish this by being direct with her… preferably in a funny way (for example, turn the tables by telling her, “I get so tired of women wanting to get physical with me. You look like you’d just like to be friends, so let’s grab some tea.”).

Do it, and you make her feel intrigued, captivated, and interested instantly…instead of just making her imagine how nice it will be to have you as a friend to help with her phone and carry her bags.

2. Show Her You Have A Life.
Most guys come off sounding a bit shy and needy when they first approach a woman. It’s only natural and extremely common — but it also commonly triggers a natural response inside a woman that says, “Awww, he’s so cute. He’d make a great friend.”

This is why it’s critical to show a woman right away that, even if you’re the shy type, that you have a life. That you’d love to have some fun with her and see where it goes, but if she’s not into it, then it’s no big deal. You have a life, and you’ll just move on (as opposed to hanging around as a “friend” waiting for her). The best way to accomplish this is by not “asking” a woman out at at all. Instead, let her know you have plans and that she can join you if she’d like.

And by the way — make sure that you don’t talk yourself into rejection by “going for it all.” Don’t go on and on about where you’ll take a woman on an amazing date, and how much mind-blowing fun she’s guaranteed to have with you. All of this just creates awkwardness, pressure, and resistance…so don’t do it.

3: Don’t Wait too long to “Make Your Move.”
The biggest reason that a guy gets banished to the friend zone is that he waits too long to make his move with a woman. This means delaying “getting physical” with her, plain and simple. When a man does this, he sends two fatal signals: That he’s not confident, which is the ultimate attraction killer. Or that he’s just not interested in taking things any further.

In a nutshell…you know you’re interested in “that” way, but a woman has no clue until you show her. So early on, guide her with a light hand on her back. Take her by the hand when you cross the street. Throw caution to the wind and go in for that kiss. The worst that can happen is that she pulls back. And then, at least, you know where you really stand and can react accordingly (by either investing more time in her or just moving on).

Either way, here’s what it all of this boils down to: most guys know that once a  woman slam-dunks you into the friend category, it’s almost impossible to escape. From then on, they see you as a buddy, a confidante, a shoulder to cry on, also known as the guy she talks to about dating problems with guys that she’s actually ATTRACTED to.

So make no excuses when you approach a woman. Show her that you have a life…don’t wait to make your move …and YOU will become the guy who gets the date (instead of her thanks for being such a great friend).


For step-by-step instructions on how to become the confident, in-control man every great woman is looking for (and escape “The Friend Zone” for good…) subscribe to “Double Your Dating,” author David DeAngelo’s FREE “Dating Secrets” newsletter. Sign up to receive David’s success-proven tips, tools and techniques here.