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The Horror! Dating Lessons from Scary Movies

Dating can be scary, so what better place to seek dating advice than horror films? They may not offer wisdom of the deepest variety, but shriek fests certainly do spell out some pretty practical dating tips.

Scary movie dating lesson: Know where you’re going

A GPS would have prevented half of the super-scary scenarios the horror world has to offer. Your date will feel safer if you’re not exploring darkened side streets and middle-of-nowhere dirt roads. Keep your car in good working order, top up on gas before you pick up your date, and don’t be afraid to ask for directions if you get lost. Reassure your date that she’s in safe and direction-wise hands. Also, if date night falls on the anniversary of a really horrible event, maybe head out of town for the evening.

Scary movie dating lesson: Dress for comfort

Sure, stilettos make your calves look fantastic, ladies, but teetering in pain is no way to enjoy a date. Dress stylishly but comfortably. You’ll be more of your charming self when you’re not sucking in your stomach or suffering through blisters. Besides, if horror movies have taught us anything, it’s that you need to be ready to run for your life at any time. Falling down? It’s fatal.

Scary movie dating lesson: Sometimes, judge that book by its cover

You don’t have to date everyone who asks you out. Trust your instincts. If the guy gives you the creeps — and/or has razor blades for fingernails — don’t spend time alone with him. Scary movies often kill off the handsome dumb jocks, the stoners, and the cocky know-it-alls — and for good reason: They’re exasperating. Girls, pick the brainy, quirky guy with street smarts. (Men, cheerleader types are also at risk of untimely death. Date the girl in glasses for a change at relationship-longevity.)

Scary movie dating lesson: Two is better than one

Partners fare better in horror movies that single folks. The buddy system will help you escape zombies and make for greater life adventures. As intimidating as dating might be, its worth it.

Scary movie dating lesson: Watch out for dysfunctional patterns

Horror movies have taught us that some behaviors should raise red flags: unhealthy obsession (‘King Kong’, ‘Halloween’), consumerism coupled with immorality (‘Dawn of the Dead’), abuse of vulnerability (‘A Nightmare on Elm Street’), and a bona fide mismatch (‘Bride of Frankenstein’).

Just because one of you wants it to work doesn’t mean that it’s destiny. That said, if ‘Shaun of the Dead’ has taught us anything, zombies can aid in reconciliation.

See our list of the 20 Best Horror Movies of All Time!

Image courtesy: Universal Pictures