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Are You Guilty of an Instant Relationship?

by Eharmony Editorial Team - January 3, 2012

I'm going to tell you something that's going to save you a ton of time - especially the hours you spend dissecting a man's behavior.  When a man doesn't call once you've connected in a

I’m going to tell you something that’s going to save you a ton of time – especially the hours you spend dissecting a man’s behavior.

When a man doesn’t call once you’ve connected in a deeper way, there are only three possible reasons why:

1) He doesn’t know what to do with the connection you share because it’s not the right time for him

2) He doesn’t know what to do with the connection you share because he’s not mature or capable of getting any closer

3) Something was said or done that tells him that a relationship with you is not a fit for him.

There’s absolutely nothing you can do about the first two reasons.  No matter how amazing you are, a man who isn’t ready for a relationship won’t suddenly become ready or mature because of anything you do, say, or are.

But screeching halt at number three, right?  Your worst fears are confirmed: something you say or do CAN make a man turn in the opposite direction.  Well, not exactly.  It’s something else…


Many women, after knowing a guy for only a short while, let themselves get wrapped up in what I call an Instant Relationship.  This is when a woman will already be thinking ahead that she is in a relationship with a guy, that they will be spending all their weekends together, and that he won’t be dating any other women.

And this happens when the guy hasn’t even talked about a relationship.  Then the woman gets disappointed when it turns out he isn’t exclusive with her or isn’t making plans to see her on Friday.

So, instead of putting all your energy into creating this Instant Relationship, focus instead on drawing the man you want in and connecting with him on an emotional level.  Here’s how…


Question: if a man were to simply join you in the things you were doing in your life… would he have a great time? Would he see you living a happy and full life? Would he be excited to be with you and do some of the things you’re doing?

Lots of women have great lives.  But as soon as they meet a guy, they focus too much on giving to him or trying to please him.

They’ll do things like give up friends and hobbies and weekends for a man – only to realize that they “lost themselves” in the relationship.

Take a moment now to think about this.  And then write down three things you can start doing for yourself that will make you more attractive to the kind of man you want to attract.

Find Real Love Now!


There’s one thing that all men love and respond to, and it’s one of the most simple but powerful secrets to leaving a man wanting more. And this one thing is APPRECIATION. Appreciation to men is what affection and reassurance are to women.

Men fall in love not when a woman gives and gives to them, but through the process of having a woman they enjoy giving to.

So if you’re worried that a man will think you’re not interested in him if you don’t move things forward, here’s what you need to know:  all you need to do is show a man appreciation.

Let’s say you’ve had a great date with a man and you definitely want him to ask you out again.  All you have to do at the end of the date is thank him and let him know you had a great time with him.

The trick is to express genuine appreciation without any “hook” or conditions to it. That is the magic way that appreciation sinks into a man’s heart and lets him know a woman is special – and gets him thinking about her again right away.

When you make your life as rich as possible, the right guy will naturally want to be a part of it.  And when he does show up, simply let him know you’re glad he’s in it.  You won’t fall victim to the Instant Relationship…and you’ll create a solid foundation for a lasting, connected, REAL relationship.

If you’ve ever wanted to know what a man really thinks about dating and commitment, subscribe to Christian’s free e-newsletter. He’ll reveal the kind of qualities a man can’t help falling for in a woman and what it takes to make him give up his “single” freedom for the love on just one woman…for the long term.

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