If you’re prepping for a first date this Friday the 13th, keep in mind the dating wisdom offered by these classic horror movies.
1. Dating Do: Behave yourself. It’s a general rule that good girls survive. Act accordingly.
2. Dating Don’t: Get drunk. Drunk characters end up playing the fools and victims in horror flicks. You don’t want to be either.
3. Dating Do: Date in public. Head to a restaurant, busy park, or popular hangout spot. Horror movies have taught us that isolated areas, abandoned buildings and hotels in the middle of nowhere — ‘The Shining’, anyone? — are homicidal hot spots.
4. Dating Don’t: Date an addict in the throws of their disease. From Patrick Bateman’s cocaine habit to Hellraiser’s need for fresh blood, addiction is a red flag in the movies and in real life. Addicts need help. Insist your date pursues sobriety before getting sucked into the scary world of addiction.
5. Dating Do: Mean what you say. Don’t tell Jason to “give me your best shot.” You don’t mean it.
6. Dating Don’t: Mistreat women. See: ‘Attack of the 50 Foot Woman’. Yikes.
7. Dating Do: Make first impressions count. Men, showing up for the date in a hockey mask does not prove you’re a dedicated athlete. She will run away — as she should. And, ladies, the obnoxious girl never makes it to the sequel.
8. Dating Don’t: Stay in a uncomfortable situation. If Vincent Price is the host of the dinner party, leave. Send a note of regret later. And if the house itself tells you to leave, do it. Do not pass go.
9. Dating Do: Avoid bleeding heart syndrome. Not every hitchhiker needs your help. Make choices that prioritize self-preservation over heroism.
10. Dating Don’t: Camp at Crystal Lake. Don’t camp there, don’t skinny-dip there, and don’t, under any circumstances, make out there. You will die. (Don’t dig up Jason’s body either.)