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Summer Fashions that will Turn your Date Cold

When the weather gets hot, you don’t want to leave the men cold. Here are some summer fashions that were once bright and new but have seen too many winters.

1) Capri Pants Have Jumped the Shark

Just a couple of years ago, capri pants were all the rage. Like hot pants in the seventies, they even jumped the gender divide to become menswear as well, to the point where everyone and their dad looked like they were about to go to the beach and dig for clams.

But all good things must come to an end, and this summer is about shorts, not about pants that masquerade as shorts. Bermuda shorts are great (or occasionally, Daisy Dukes, for those of us who have the legs to pull it off). But capri pants are strictly stay-at-home-do-laundry attire.

2) Crocs Just Aren’t Biting

These shoes were never very fetching, but a couple of years ago saw the grand emergence of these pockmarked cobbler-elf shoes, as they became not just a fashion for bog hikers, but also for those with busy days at the farmers market or running around the antique fair.

This summer, however, there is just no room for wearing a Wiffle™ ball that’s molded to your foot—instead, go for the gladiator sandals that are sweeping up the international fashion scene literally on street level! Even at the beach, there’s still a better, classic design that refuses to die: it’s called the flip-flop.

3) All That Glitters Is … Old

Not so long ago, summer-lovin’ ladies as well as some of the fellas were sporting fake gold-colored everything. Sunglasses, buckles, bikini clasps, sandal latches, Lycra tops, even cars: everything looked like creamy-colored fake gold, glittering like chrome gods in the sun.


However, nowadays real gold in the form of rings, necklaces, watches, and bracelets is in—and that means the faux gold of years past is falling by the wayside. Fake gold accoutrements are looking more and more like the cheap and tawdry baubles that they are, so leave them in the cupboard for another decade or so. Real gem-style buttons (e.g., on shoes) are still okay, but keep your faux gold to a minimum lest it become fool’s gold in the eyes of the fashionistas. This includes glitter on the face (though shimmery eye shadow can still be a great light summer look).

4) Fake Tans Are Far Too Obvious

Speaking of gold, there was a golden era (literally) when tanning lotions and sprays gave glistening brown hues to anyone who wanted to get a tan without the dangers of lying in the sun. Nowadays, though, men know to look for the telltale signs of smudginess.

Like a bad toupee, a bad fake tan can lend an aura of cheap to its owner. If you must go with a fake tan (and there is still a good reason not to get a real one, i.e., skin cancer), try to get a well-done professional job, with no bizarre tan lines that end an inch below your hairline.

5) Jelly Shoes are Just Not Pretty

We understand the appeal that jelly shoes have. They hearken back to the days of childhood, when scampering about in frilly socks meant we needed delicate but durable footwear.

But unless you have the magical pair of jellies that makes you look like a grown woman, avoid this fashion faux pas that recently tried to make a reemergence. They tend to look both gaudy and cheap, a combination that often equals “tacky,” and they can become caked with foot sweat and dirt in a most unladylike manner.

6) Cowboy Boots Have the Cowgirl Blues

Remember how every year in this decade, women have worn cowboy boots with their dresses in the summer?

Well, now the very last women to learn about the trend are trying out their cowboy best, which means the fashion forward are leaving this trend penned up in the ol’ corral. This doesn’t apply for when you are really going to have a little cowpoke fun—horse rides, country music festivals, state fairs, and even walks in the desert still can look great with a pair of rawhide rockers. But if you’re just going to the corner bar, the club, or the pool party, leave this theme-wear where the horses roam free.