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Five Ways Women Sabotage Their Relationships

Very few of us knowingly wish to sabotage a relationship that might, if allowed to grow, lead to true love and lasting happiness.

Unfortunately there are countless women who unknowingly sabotage what may have been a great relationship before it ever has a real chance to grow.

If you don’t think you’ve ever done this, take a look at these five acts of relationship sabotage and ask yourself honestly: “Did I do that?”

If the answer is a possible yes to any one of these scenarios, it’s time to think outside the box about where past relationships have gone right, and perhaps, where they might have gone wrong:

#1. You’ve refused to go out with a guy because he didn’t fit your perfect picture of Mr. Right.

Just about every little girl has a fantasy about her Prince Charming. Often that fantasy first takes the form of Dad. A surprising number of those fantasies, however, often outlive their practical value. Is the guy you’re hoping to meet more myth than actual flesh and blood? If he is, then it’s time to think about the real guys you meet and how they might make you happy ever after without the fairy tale ending.

#2. You’ve judged a guy based solely on looks, and ignored the fact that he had a great personality.

Great looks don’t last, but a caring man, who puts you first, might truly go the distance. Just like the man who is happy to be seen with the empty-headed arm charm, great looks are not the gift that keeps giving. Whereas a kind man who will be a gentle lover and a faithful partner is the kind of happiness you can take to the bank.

#3. You have a pattern of getting into arguments with your significant other — for no real reason.

This is a particularly tough one, because it requires you to be as honest and objective with yourself as you can possibly be.

More often than not, the woman doing this habitually is experiencing a form of transference, in which you relive the wounds of past relationships. Remember this one simple rule, good endings help create good beginnings.

If you take the time to heal those past relationship disappointments, there’s a good chance you’ll leave a lot of those needless arguments behind you.

#4. You make fun of him or tease him about his passion for you.

There are lots of men who are not great at showing their passion, whether that be a soulful kiss, a loving embrace, or simply holding you close in public.

In truth, though, most men are not Brad Pitt. That doesn’t mean they like to be reminded of their shortcomings in the area of romance. Bottom line: Never tell a man; instead, show him. Most men are rather inept in the art of intimacy and in truth are hoping to be taught. Think and show — not tell. In most cases, you’ll be happy with the results.

#5. You’ve left a relationship because it was easier than telling him how you really felt.

Sure, it’s tempting at times to end rather than mend a relationship, but ask yourself this: Was that really the outcome you wanted?

If the answer is no, envision other ways the relationship might have ended. Or better still, continued and perhaps grown into lasting love.

Relationships that go the distance ultimately rise and fall on trust. Take that deep breath and tell him what you think. You can be loving and positive and still be honest. Sure it can be difficult to put your feelings out there. But if he indeed is Mr. Right, he’ll want to know, and most importantly, he’ll want you both to move forward as a couple.

Josie Brown and Martin Brown are the authors of The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Finding Mr. Right. They are also feature writers whose articles on relationships and couples communication have appeared in Redbook, and Complete Woman, as well as AOL’s Women Channel,’s Personals Channel,,,, and numerous news and media outlets. They also serve as editors of the Relationships Channel for, as well as editors for the internationally syndicated column John Gray’s Mars Venus Advice. For more articles and tips on finding your Mr. Right, go to their website: