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“He’s Immature.”

Relationship coach Virginia Feingold Clark kicked off this topic in an earlier blog, and she had lots to say about men who run hot and cold:

“The situation is classic. He starts to pull away, you become like a dog with a bone, unwilling to relinquish what you want. You search frantically for the man who was ‘hot’ on you. He must still feel that way — he just doesn’t know it. So your problem becomes how to get him to pursue you like he did before. The trap is believing that there is something you have to make right and that you did something wrong that made him turn cold.”

“Most of these men haven’t grown up, they’re just immature. They thrive on the challenge of wooing you until you fall for them, but as soon as they think they’ve got you, they get bored and move on. It doesn’t matter how fabulous, beautiful or smart you are, they still get bored because it’s not about you. It’s about the thrill of the chase and you are the prize for a moment or two.”

“Some hot and cold men may just not be ready for a fully committed relationship. He may like you a lot but be unable to decide if you’re ‘The One.’ Rather than making a decision, it’s easier for him to string you along until he can know for certain. His ambivalence will bring out his hot and cold behavior since he is so indecisive. Changing these men is not in your job description.”