Some of us are seeking Mr. Right when we should be searching for our life partner. There are many clichés such as, “He wasn’t right for you” or “You’ll find the right one,” as if we are looking for the right pair of shoes to offset an outfit.
We have to remind ourselves, we are not looking for an accessory but an individual who is interested in developing a partnership. Our powers of discernment are compromised when we seek someone who looks like the man in our daydreams or wears a suit like our father. Our mind tells us that he is the “right one,” so how do we know if he’s really the wrong one?
These five guidelines can help us develop our powers of discernment and make informed decisions about our choices. It is not fool-proof, but using these guidelines will help in eliminating the guys that are definitely to be avoided if we are seeking a life partner.
1. Develop Your Intuition: We are all comfortable following our hearts, but this can lead us into trouble. We have mental pictures about how our man should look and act. If we meet a man who reflects our mental pictures, then we automatically think they are “right” for us. If we have an uncomfortable feeling in our gut about someone who looks and acts perfect, then we need to pay attention. Our intuition is speaking to us about this individual and we need to honor it.
2. Pay Attention to His Behavior: As women, we love to hear men compliment our looks and achievements, but if his behavior is inconsistent then we need to reconsider our choice. If he says all the right things — yet cancels several dates at the last minute because he has something else to do, we need to move on. We also need to not make excuses for his behavior.
3. Avoids Uncomfortable Conversations: If he avoids conversations about our concerns in a relationship, such as money, commitment, or sex, then we need to check in with our intuition.
4. Self-Centered: This is an easy way to spot Mr. Wrong. If we are at a gathering and we meet a man who looks perfect, but is talking about himself — then cuts us off when we try to interject a comment — he may not be someone with whom we want to get involved. Maybe we go on one date to confirm this!
5. Mama’s Boy (or the Immature Guy): This is the most difficult to spot because we often find it charming if a man is devoted to his mother. “If he is that considerate to his mother, then that’s how he’ll treat me,” we think. In some cases, that is not how he will treat us. His mother will come first and her approval is of primary importance, especially the approval of the woman in his life. And, in the end, we will also try to please her.
Have you experienced any of the above red flags?
Carmela Cattuti is a writer, visual artist, and teacher. She is the author of Between the Cracks, a novel based on her great aunt’s journey from Sicily to the U.S. Carmela is a graduate of Boston College’s masters program in literature. Join her Facebook community and visit her on her Twitter and Pinterest for event updates and articles. Visit www.betweenthecracksnovel.blogspot.com for your free chapter.